


sometimes you just have to go for it

by jennycaakes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Celebrity Crush, Chance Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6563560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monty Green's a junior at Arkadia University, and he's absolutely in love with actor Nathan Miller who was just casted to play Miles Morales as Spider-Man. When Miller comes to Arkadia to give a speech, they just so happen to bump into each other. </p><p>includes: chance meetings, sneaking around, international supermodel Blake siblings, and lots of fluff</p><p>Miller x Monty</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally only posted on Tumblr, but because there're going to be multiple additions (and so many people liked it!) I decided to post it here too. enjoy, friends!

Nathan Miller was more than unfairly attractive - he was also recently cast to play Miles Morales in the new Marvel adaptation of Spiderman. Which was also unfair. Because Miles Morales was one of Monty’s favorite comic book characters, and Nathan Miller was one of Monty’s favorite actors, and overall it was just the worst combination of things to ever happen (and by worst, he means best, _best best best_  Monty is so _blessed amen)_. 

The unfair part of it all, really, was that Nathan Miller was a real human who existed basically in a different world than Monty. Monty was a junior at Arkadia University who spent night after night in the chemistry lab or the computer lab or the biology lab, cramming so much knowledge into his brain that he thought he was sure to explode one of these days. The _truly_  unfair part was that Monty’s chances of meeting Nathan Miller were restricted to, like, panels and sweepstakes, both of which Monty had limited access to. 

It was a stroke of luck (Monty didn’t believe in fate) that Arkadia had snagged Miller for a discussion on diversity and fame. He was a pretty big name, and tickets to his speech in the arena were selling at 20 bucks a pop. 

“Maybe he’ll spot you in the crowd,” Raven said one afternoon after the gang had secured their tickets, “and call on you by name. Because he’s noticed your tweets to him.”

“Don’t be embarrassing,” Monty responded shortly. “I don’t tweet to him. On my public account.”

“Fall madly in love with you,” Raven continued with a hum, causing Clarke to laugh. It was an ongoing joke that Monty was in love with a celebrity (as though Raven and Clarke weren’t _obsessed_ with the Blake Siblings). “You never know,” she told him.

“No, I do know,” Monty said. “And it absolutely is not happening.”

* * *

Monty was twenty feet away from Nathan Miller. 

It was the day of the speech that he and his friends were going to and Nathan Miller was twenty feet away from him, at one one of Arkadia’s many coffee stands that popped up around campus. Monty had his phone in his hand and he was sending a dozen texts to their group chat and he couldn’t think.

_**From Monty - 3:43 PM  
-so I’m like an inch away from Nathan Miller** _

_**-and he’s got the best eyelashes I’ve ever seen in my life** _

_**-and he’s ordering a frappuccino** _

_**-do I talk to him???** _

**_-is that weird???????_ **

**_-SOMEONE RESPOND TO ME_ **

**_-this is URGENT_ **

**_-G U Y S_ **

“Excuse me?” Monty froze, his eyes trained on his phone. He’d watched enough interviews of the guy to know that voice and it was directed toward him. His heart was tumbling in his chest. Nathan Miller was speaking to him. Monty took a deep breath, ignoring the buzzing of his phone, and looked up. Oh my God, he was beautiful. “Hi,” Miller said.

“Hi,” Monty responded. Did he say that he knew him? Of course he knew him. The kid’s face was plastered all across the campus, advertising his diversity event. He slipped his phone into his pocket and tried to stand up a little straighter, feeling his knees buckling. 

He was so _close to him_. Monty’s thoughts were running at a million miles a minute and none of them were sticking. 

“Hi,” Miller said again, a smile gracing his face. It was really him. He was so pretty. Monty was definitely staring. “Nate,” he said, extending his hand.

“Monty,” Monty blurt, shaking his hand quickly. 

“I–um, I’m a little lost,” Miller said, making the most perfect sheepish face Monty had ever seen. So nice looking. So good looking. Oh my God. Monty wanted to melt into the ground. “Everyone around here looks so _angry_ ,” Miller said, glancing over his shoulder. “I don’t know if that’s a college thing or an Arkadia thing, but–you looked _not_  angry so I figured I’d ask you.” 

“Anything, yeah, yep. I’m your guy.”

Miller grinned, and Monty wondered if that meant he knew Monty knew who he was. “I’m looking for the union building,” Miller said. “I’ve got some people there looking for me.”

“Mmm…hm, yes, the union building.” Monty let out a short breath. His phone was alive in his pocket with the amount of messages he was receiving. “So, um, if you follow this path here,” he said, “the giant building that’s on the left will be the union building.” 

“Great.” Miller pulled out his phone, checking the time, then slipped it back into his pocket. He took a drink from his frappuccino. He looked back to Monty. “Maybe you could walk me there?” 

Monty’s heart nearly exploded.

* * *

Nathan Miller was a real person. And he was cheeky. And Monty was probably actually in love with him. “You know who I am,” he said as they started their walk, “yeah? That’s why you’re staring at me like I’ve got two heads?”

“Not every day you meet Miles Morales,” Monty murmured, feeling his face get hot.

“I mean, just–” Miller laughed, shaking his head. “You didn’t–freak out, I guess.” Monty’s face was still hot. “I appreciate that,” Miller said. 

“It’s like…” Monty trailed off, dragging his hand through his hair. “Internal? Definitely an internal freak out. I’m definitely freaking out, I promise you.” And Miller laughed again, the sound so much brighter in person instead of over the computer. “Wow, I, wow I mean I’m meeting–I mean, you’re Nathan Miller.”

“Just Nate,” Miller responded gently, a smile on his face.

“Nate,” Monty repeated. “Like, I get to call you Nate? That’s–see, okay I’m going to stop talking now.”

Miller laughed again, and Monty wanted to drown in the sound of it. And Monty, he was desperate for information about _anything_. About Miller’s life, about Miller’s jobs, but he didn’t get a chance to ask. Instead Miller was asking _him_  questions. About his major, about his friends, about his time at Arkadia University. He smiled at all the right moments, nodded as Monty spoke, looked _genuinely interested_. 

Miller chewed on his straw. He also licked his lips a lot. He was walking next to Monty and Monty was ready to die happy. 

“Listen,” Miller said as they approached the union building. “Are you coming to that speech, thing, I’m doing?”

“I never knew that on top of being an actor you were also a motivational speech giver,” Monty said, eliciting another smile from the best looking boy Monty had ever met in his life, “but yeah. Me and some friends are going.”

“How many friends?” Miller asked. Monty had to count off in his head. “They’re doing this Q&A after,” Miller said. “About the movie. In Mecha Hall. Will you go?” 

Monty’s mouth went dry. “I don’t have tickets.”

“That’s why I’m going to put your name on a list,” Miller said. “Monty… what’s your last name?”

“Green,” he choked out.

“Monty Green,” Miller said. “Party of six.” He licked his lips again, and Monty was sure that this was a dream. “I’ll see you there, then?” 

Monty didn’t know how to do anything other than nod.

* * *

**_@Nathan-Miller followed you on Twitter!_ **

“This is it,” Monty said, throwing his phone at Jasper. “I’m dreaming. And I need someone to smack me across the face as hard as they can and wake me up before this causes permanent damage to my existence as a human being.”

“Dude!” Jasper shrieked. “Did you see what he _tweeted_?!”

Harper rushed across the room, tearing the phone out of Jasper’s hands to get a good view.

_**@Nathan-Miller  
sometimes you just have to go for it, kids** _

“That’s definitely about you,” Jasper said. “Look at the time! It’s like, twelve minutes after you first texted us.”

“That’s not about me,” Monty said.

“It _is_  about you,” Harper insisted. “Raven’s going to have to eat her words!”

“That’s not about me!” Monty said again. 

But his heart was racing. Because he couldn’t help but hope.

* * *

“Monty! Hey!”

“Oh my God,” Raven exhaled, watching as Nathan Miller pushed his way through the crowd in their direction. “You weren’t kidding,” she said, watching as he approached. “Oh my _God_.” 

“That’s Nathan Miller,” Clarke exhaled, elbowing Raven a little sharply. “He’s coming toward us.”

“He’s coming toward _Monty_ ,” Harper corrected them with a grin.

“You made it,” Miller said as he approached them, and his smile was infinite. “These must be your friends,” he said, gesturing toward the crowd that was around Monty, and Monty nodded his head. “They’re not as good at not-freaking out as you are,” he said in a mock whisper.

“Sorry!” Clarke burst.

“I’m not,” Raven said, holding open Snapchat to take a picture of him. 

Miller grinned, direction his attention to Monty again. “Walk with me?” he asked, and Monty nodded. He gave Jasper a look that said _so help me God if you don’t take pictures_ and Jasper gave him thumbs up and a goofy grin. “I hate public speaking,” Miller murmured as they moved from Monty’s friends. 

“Couldn’t tell,” Monty told him. “It was a good speech.” About the problems of diversity in the media, about the hoops he had to jump through to even get a proper audition. “But maybe I’m just starstruck.” 

Miller shook his head, his smile still bright. “I’m glad you made it over,” Miller said. “Listen, I…” he started, and stopped, then turned to Monty. “I get it, I’m famous. And that’s–like, I worked on a construction site before I auditioned for anything. So being _famous_ –it’s weird for me.”

Monty nodded, understanding. “Must be a lot,” he said.

“It is,” Miller agreed. “Because sometimes I meet people who are cute and make me smile and asking them out is a lot more intimidating than it used to be when I was a nobody.” Monty’s mouth went dry. “And it’s probably even worse for _them_  because there’s that weird power dynamic, and…” he trailed off, looking nervous.

Nathan Miller was nervous.

Nathan Miller was asking Monty out.

“But sometimes you just have to go for it,” Monty said quickly, “right?” 

Miller blinked a few times before grinning, dipping his head into a nod. “Right,” he said. “We start filming on Miles Morales in a month, just downtown from here,” he said. “I think they want to film some scenes on the campus, too. So I’ll be in the area.” 

“That’s convenient,” Monty said.

“So is that a yes?” Miller asked.

“Considering you haven’t asked me anything, I can’t give a–” he stopped talking when Miller arched a playful eyebrow at him. And then Monty was grinning too, nodding, confused but excited. “Do you want my number?” Monty managed to ask.

Miller looked content to look at Monty forever. “I would _love_ your number,” he murmured softly. 

* * *

Monty sunk into bed that night, certain that he wasn’t actually going to sleep but was just on the verge of waking up. Because today had certainly been a dream. Miller had signed autographs for all of Monty’s friends and taken an absurd amount of selfies with all of them, and it didn’t feel real. 

But before the event was over Miller grabbed Monty’s hand and squeezed once, winking before disappearing back into the crowd. That felt real. And Monty’s hand was still warm.

He swung his arm over his face to hide his grin in the darkness of the room he shared with Jasper, not that anyone cared. It was impossible. Impossible. And Monty wanted to savor it for as long as he could. 

**_Unknown Number - 11:58 PM  
It’s really late, I swear this isn’t a bootycall text, but my phone died and I just got back to my hotel and I wanted to text you before I went to bed.   
-Nate_ **

“Jasper,” Monty murmured into the room, receiving a grunt from his friend who was also already in bed. “Can you pinch me?”

“Shut up, lover boy,” Jasper called across the room with a laugh. He sat up and Monty could see his shadow in the dark. “He texted you?” 

“He texted me,” Monty answered.

“I can’t believe Nathan Miller texted you.”

“I can’t believe Nathan Miller texted me,” Monty echoed. 

“That guy’s got some serious heart-eyes, dude,” Jasper said before sinking back into his pillows. 

Monty was still grinning, staring at the little screen in his hands waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

**_From Monty - 12:00 AM  
a lot of risk in giving your number out to a stranger, you know_ **

**_From Nate - 12:01 AM  
Clearly a risk I’m willing to make _ **

**_From Nate 12:01 AM  
But go to bed, because you’re a student and you need to sleep_ **

**_From Monty - 12:01 AM  
okay…. but Nathan Miller is texting me….. so that’s probably not going to happen. nice try, though _ **

**_From Nate - 12:02 AM  
Goodnight, Monty…! _ **

Monty had enough happiness to get him through the rest of his life. 

**_From Nate - 12:02 AM  
I’ll talk to you tomorrow. _ **

Monty might’ve had to reconsider his stance on fate. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Did they see you?” 

The door wasn’t even shut when Miller asked the question and it came out in such a rush that it took Monty a second to process it. He pushed back the hood of his jacket and shook his head slightly in response. “I don’t think so,” he answered. 

“No one tried to stop you?” Miller asked again, stepping past him to look out the peep-hole into the hallway, and again Monty shook his head. Finally Miller exhaled deeply, turning to face Monty straight on, and a crooked smile took his face. “Hi,” he said.

Monty grinned. “Hi.” They met halfway, Miller’s hands reaching out to tangle in Monty’s hair as they kissed in greeting while Monty’s settled on Miller’s shirt. 

This was routine now, as it had been for the past two weeks or so. Miller couldn’t be seen in public for a while and the paparazzi was up his ass considering they’d just started filming, but Monty didn’t mind en-suite dates. 

The first night they met up they ordered room-service, the second they made prank-calls to all of the famous people in Miller’s phone, and on the third they kissed. It was secret, mostly. Hidden and tucked away. Monty’s friends knew, and Miller’s agents and representatives knew, but it wasn’t in the tabloids. Not yet, anyway. They were trying to keep that from happening. 

“I’m so fucking tired,” Miller murmured against Monty’s lips, not wanting to pull away but too exhausted to go any further. “They had me on the rig today,” he said, and Monty tipped his head back. It still felt like a dream, getting to see Nathan Miller this close. He was a big name. He was on the cover of magazines. He was _Miles Morales_. But he was also Monty’s boyfriend. And he was gorgeous. Monty could look at him forever. “Go on,” Miller said lowly, his lips tugging into a smile. “You can ask.”

“Do you have pictures of you in the suit?” Monty burst.

Miller grinned, tipping his head forward. “Of course I have pictures of me in the suit.” Miller reached down, lacing his hands with Monty’s before tugging him to the couch so he could pull out his phone. 

Monty was dating Spiderman. It wasn’t something he was sure he was going to get used to anytime soon. 

From the day in which they met at Arkadia University, the college Monty attended up the street, the two had talked every day. First it was just texting. Getting to know each other. Trying to see if it was more than _fame_  that tugged Monty in Miller’s direction. From there it was Snapchat. And then FaceTime. And finally Miller returned to the city so he could start filming and they had their first date. 

Miller slung his arm around Monty’s shoulder as he pulled out his phone, holding him close so he could page through his recent photos. “Oh my _God_ ,” Monty groaned, snatching the phone from Miller’s hand so he could get a better look at the pictures of Miller in the Spiderman suit. “Oh my God! Jasper’s going to be _so_   _jealous_.” Miller laughed as Monty flipped through the various photos, leaning in so he could nip at Monty’s chin. “This is amazing,” Monty said, his voice breathy as Miller sucked at his throat. “This movie is going to be amazing. All of this is amazing.”

“ _You’re_ amazing,” Miller murmured against Monty’s neck.

Screw the photos. He had the real Spiderman right here. 

Monty tossed Miller’s phone to the side before hitching his hips over Miller’s lap and grinding down, eliciting a gasp from the boy under him. Monty could kiss Miller forever, and it wasn’t just the fact that he was famous and had a big stupid celebrity crush on him. Nathan Miller was _genuine_. He put off a pretty stoic persona but he was sarcastic and had a heart that was way too big and was unflinchingly loyal to the people that he cared about. He had big dreams and just because he’d gotten his chance at them didn’t make him more or less of a person than Monty. 

Just a richer one. And that had very little to do with the heat building in Monty’s core. 

“Fuck, baby,” Miller moaned, tugging hard at Monty’s hips. “ _Yes_.” Monty’s hands stretched out, brushing against the hem of Miller’s shirt, diving underneath to caress the soft skin of his sides. “Yes, _yes_.” It was a wordless question that Miller answered with a nod, reaching down to grab his shirt and pull it off. Jesus, he was ripped. Monty’s hands slid up Miller’s chest slowly before he leaned in to snatch another kiss. 

Monty knew by the way Miller was moving that he was about to shift the two of them, pin Monty down on the couch, but there was a sudden knock on the door that made him pull back.

“Fuck _me_ ,” Miller muttered as Monty continued to lean in, kiss after kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. 

“I’m _trying_ ,” Monty returned. “But you’ve got to be famous and answer _doors_  all the time.”

Miller grinned against Monty’s lips. “That’s it, then,” he said between more kisses. “We’re getting rid of the doors.”

“They’ll climb through the windows,” Monty said. 

“Board them up,” Miller responded breathlessly. There was another knock and Miller groaned again. “Maybe a _Do Not Disturb_ sign will work.” Reluctantly Monty climbed off of Miller’s lap and onto the couch, reaching for Miller’s phone again so he could find those photos while Miller was being important. Barely any information about the movie had been released and Miller wasn’t contractually allowed to talk about it, but sometimes Monty would ask certain questions and Miller would quirk his eyebrows and he knew that he was close. Miller tugged open the door and leaned in the way so Monty couldn’t be spotted. “Yeah?” 

“Your guests are here,” a woman’s voice responded. His assistant Roma. “Or did you forget they were arriving today?” 

“Oh, fuck.” Miller looked over his shoulder and Monty looked up from the phone. He wasn’t allowed to have any photos either, that was something Miller’s assistant was adamant on (she didn’t trust Monty much, but Miller said she didn’t trust _anyone_ ) because she thought he might leak spoilers. But he could look. “Give me a couple of minutes,” he told her before stepping back into the room. 

Monty frowned. “Guests?” 

“The Blakes,” Miller murmured, striding over to where Monty had tossed his shirt and picking it up from the floor and slipping it over his head. “Bellamy’s an old friend. With Bellamy comes Octavia, and, well…”

“Wait, stop.” Monty dropped the phone back on the couch. “The Blakes. As in… _the Blakes_.” 

Miller was looking at Monty the way he always did when he got starstruck. More often than not Miller’d say something like _God you’re cute_  before elaborating with a smile. It was on the tip of his tongue now, Monty could sense it, but instead Miller swallowed the comment back. 

“Yes,” Miller finally answered. He settled back down on the couch beside Monty with a heavy sigh. “Fuck, and you came all the way out here…” The hotel Miller was set up in for now wasn’t too far from campus, only about a fifteen minute drive, and Raven worked in the city anyway so she didn’t mind dropping Monty off or picking him up. “I want them to meet you,” Miller said. “But if you’re not ready for that, then we can wait.”

“The _Blakes_ ,” Monty said again, and Miller nodded with another laugh. “Like…”

“Like Bellamy and Octavia Blake,” Miller said, grinning now. “The international supermodels. Yes. Them.” 

Monty paused, cocking his head slightly. “Do they know?” he asked. “About you. About me.” 

Miller’s smile slipped from his face as he nodded his head forward. It was a subject they hadn’t spoken much on. But one of the first nights that Monty came over to Miller’s hotel, the two of them side by side on Miller’s massive bed just staring at one another in the dim lighting, Miller spoke up.

“I’m not publicly out,” he had said quietly. Monty thought back to the diversity speech that Miller gave at Arkadia University and realized with a start that he never said anything about his sexuality. Monty’s friend-group was pretty liberal in the sense in which they were mostly _all_ at least a little gay, so when Miller started showing interest the only shocking part of it was that he was famous. Not that he was into guys. Miller’s finger traced lightly across Monty’s nose. “If that upsets you…” he trailed off with a soft sigh. “I understand.”

Monty tipped his head back then, bumping his nose against the pads of Miller’s fingers. 

“Why’s that?” Monty asked. Not maliciously. Just curiously. 

“I don’t know,” Miller admitted lowly. “Part of me doesn’t feel like I need to make a big statement. I mean–I fucking hate the fact that people have to _come out_. People should stop assuming everyone’s straight.” He stretched his hand out then, cupping Monty’s cheek. “Part of me is fucking terrified of the backlash.” 

“Not ashamed?” Monty asked.

Miller shook his head. “Never.” He brushed his thumb across Monty’s chin. “But if this goes anywhere, you and me…” his voice was increasingly softer as he spoke. “And I do,” Miller whispered. “I want this. I want _you_. But it’d have to be quiet.” 

“Because you’re not ready for the world to know you’re gay,” Monty concluded.

“Well, partly,” Miller said with a nod. “But also I can’t–the paps…” 

He trailed off again, and then both of them were quiet. Miller’s hand fell slack when Monty didn’t respond right away and he want to pull it back, but Monty reached out and held his wrist. “Okay,” Monty murmured. Miller waited for him to elaborate. “That’s fine with me. I mean–I don’t want to be in tabloids anyway. But just–as long as it just me, you know? I mean, I’m not going to ask you to come out for me.” Monty laughed quietly, nervously. “That’s an impossible request.” 

“But…” Miller started, knowing there was a but.

“But as long as there isn’t someone else you’re keeping secret,” Monty had murmured, “I don’t mind being a secret.” 

“Yeah, they know,” Miller said, finally answering Monty’s question. _Do they know you’re gay?_ “Anyone who needs to know, knows.” He started picking up various piles of mess from around the room. “My dad, my assistant, good friends.” He smirked. “ _Your_  friends, I guess.”

“Who’re still waiting on an invitation to your set,” Monty said offhandedly, secretly relived he didn’t have to pretend to be anyone other than himself when the Blakes arrived. 

“Greedy,” Miller said with a grin.

“Incredibly. You’ve met them. You should know by now.” Miller stopped trying to clean and crossed the room to Monty again, settling down on the couch beside him once more. He cupped Monty’s cheeks and kissed him firmly. “I’m kidding, by the way,” Monty breathed between their lips. “About being invited to set.”

“I know,” Miller murmured back. “I’m just waiting for an exciting day of filming to have them around.” Monty tipped his chin back to kiss Miller again, annoyed that someone was on their way to interrupt them (even if it _was_  more celebrities). “Mmf,” Miller groaned into Monty’s mouth, tugging him hard and jerking his hips forward as far as he could without climbing onto Monty’s lap. 

 _Screw the Blakes_ , Monty thought, his hands slipping up under Miller’s shirt again, when suddenly there was a _loud_ bang on the door.

“Coming in!” someone shouted. Monty tried pulling away to turn and look but Miller held him closer, kissing him one last time before the door swung open. Octavia Blake strode into the room with her head held high, Bellamy Blake behind her. They both looked sleepy and disheveled, like real people rather than supermodels, and Monty couldn’t stop staring.

Bellamy had glasses perched on the edge of his nose, his hair tousled and messy. Octavia had her hair thrown up into the messiest bun on the top of her head and was wearing an old flannel shirt. 

“God, you’re cute,” Miller murmured to Monty, leaning forward to peck the side of Monty’s mouth before standing. “Thanks for knocking,” he said as he strode toward Octavia.

“You kept us waiting long enough,” Octavia responded, opening her arms to greet him in a hug. “Hey, Miller.”

“Good to see you,” Bellamy said, reaching for his friend with open arms once Octavia was finished with him. The two siblings turned in Monty’s direction. How could a family get so lucky in terms of genetics? Even disheveled they were the hottest people he’d ever seen in his life. “You must be Monty,” Bellamy said, extending a hand in his direction. Monty stood quickly, striding over to him to shake it. “Miller talks about you a lot,” Bellamy said with a knowing smile. 

* * *

 

“Listen,” Clarke said as Monty sunk into his bed with a smile. “This is out of control. You can’t just _meet the Blakes_.” Monty couldn’t stop grinning after his night with Miller and his friends. They were fun, full of energy, and more importantly they were _normal_. Monty had taken a few selfies with Octavia and Bellamy and sent them to his friends, resulting in his phone blowing up with notifications from Clarke and Raven demanding more information. “It’s not fair. It’s unfair.”

“It’s completely fair,” Jasper said from his bed. “Monty’s a catch,” he said, “which resulted in Nathan Miller falling in love with him.”

“I don’t know about _love_ ,” Monty tried. It was still early.

“And when famous people are in love with you,” Jasper continued, “you get all the benefits. Like meeting other famous people.” He gave Monty a look. “And seeing the Miles Morales suit before anyone else.”

“He said he’ll invite us to the set soon,” Monty said. “Maybe the Blakes will be there.”

“I can’t believe you were in the same room as Bellamy Blake,” Clarke said, shaking her head at him. “I can’t believe you didn’t get his _autograph_.”

“Well I’m sure I’ll be seeing them again soon,” Monty teased. “Seriously though, they’re huge nerds. It’s amazing.” Octavia and Bellamy spent a long time debating the circumstances surrounding the Trojan Horse while Miller shook his head at them. “They’re both really nice. Intimidating, but nice.” 

“I just want to know Octavia’s makeup routine,” Raven said from across the room. “They’re both hot.”

“Everyone’s hot,” Clarke agreed tiredly. 

**_From Nate - 9:37 PM  
Blakes approve. They want you around more. _ **

**_From Nate - 9:38 PM  
Me too, though._ **

**_From Nate - 9:38 PM  
Sleep well._ **

* * *

 

“I mean, I never went to college,” Octavia said as she settled down on the couch beside Monty. 

“Much to my displeasure,” Bellamy murmured from across the room. 

Monty was back at Miller’s hotel room, earlier tonight than usual. He normally had a biology class that went late on Thursdays but he had a test today so he got out when he was finished. He brought Clarke with him today, the only person who was out of class or not at dinner or not working when he was ready to go. She’s currently sitting with her legs tucked under her, transferring her gaze back and forth between the Blakes 

“I just love hearing about it,” Octavia said, ignoring Bellamy’s comment. “So neither of you have Friday classes?”

“Nope,” Monty said. Clarke was still trying to remember how to speak. “Had enough of that my freshman year.”

“So you just stay here with Miller then,” Octavia wondered. “Right?”

“Sometimes we go out Thursday nights,” Clarke said, her voice surprisingly sure. But then again, Clarke Griffin was pretty much always sure of herself. “But Jasper got a citation last month so we’ve been cutting back. Playing a lot of Catan.”

Bellamy’s face lit up. “You play Catan?” he asked.

“ _You_ play Catan?” Clarke echoed, her face turning pink.

“I love Catan,” Bellamy said. The geekiest game in the world. Like Cones of Dunshire, from Parks and Rec, but real and slightly less complicated. “O won’t play it with me unless I bribe her. Says that it’s too nerdy, even for me.” Bellamy reaches across the table he’s sitting at and pats Miller’s shoulder gently. “We should play. Do you have your game?”

“No it’s back home,” Miller answered. 

“Next time you come over,” Bellamy said, turning his attention back to Monty and Clarke, “ _please_  bring Catan. Speaking of…” he turned back to Miller. “Monty coming to the shoot tomorrow?” 

Monty arched an eyebrow. “For Spiderman?” he asked.

“No,” Octavia said. “Me and Bellamy have a shoot for ICE Magazine.” 

“Roan said we could bring friends. You should come,” Bellamy said, tipping his head in Monty’s direction. His eyes flickered to Clarke for a moment before his mouth curved into a soft smile. “You too.” 

“Raven,” Clarke managed to force out. 

“Our other friend,” Monty supplied, elbowing Clarke a little as if to tell her to chill. “I didn’t know–I mean,” he looks to Miller. “If it’s okay with Nate.” 

Miller looked hesitant. “We haven’t talked about it,” Miller murmured. 

* * *

 

“Do you not want me to go?” Monty asked. Octavia had pulled out Miller’s Wii and she, Bellamy, and Clarke were currently playing Mario Kart. But Monty pulled Miller aside. “If that’s it, then–”

“Of course I want you to go,” Miller said. “Photo shoots are boring as fuck. But…” he trailed off, and Monty’s eyebrows came together. Miller let out a long breath. “There’re always people there,” Miller told him. “Paparazzi, nosy make-up crews…” Miller shrugged a little. “If you went I’d want to–fuck, I don’t know. Hold your hand, at least.” 

Monty deflated a little. “And you can’t.”

“Monty.” Miller reached out, lacing their fingers together. “I’m just not ready,” Miller said. Monty dipped his head into a nod, but it felt heavy and blue. “Hey,” Miller murmured, “I’ll skip it. Yeah? We can stay in.” 

“We always stay in,” Monty murmured back. He shook his head and forced a smile to his face. “You should go. Be with your friends.” Miller opened his mouth to protest so Monty quickly leaned in, silencing him with a kiss. “It’s okay,” he whispered.

He wished he meant it.

* * *

 

Monty was knee-deep in chemistry homework when Raven and Clarke returned from their day with the Blakes. They were yammering nonstop, talking over one another, laughing and smiling as though everything in the world was right.

“I take it you two had fun?” Harper asked from where she was stretched out on Monty’s bed, nose in a book she was reading for class. 

Clarke and Raven went off again, their voices louder and higher as they tried to get out every detail about the day. _Autographs and selfies–not allowed to post them anywhere but we have them. Octavia gave us makeovers–did you know she does her own makeup? Bellamy Blake could give Miller a run for his money if we’re talking about heart-eyes–he’s definitely got a thing for Clarke. No he doesn’t, shut up Raven! They were so nice! I can’t believe they were so nice!_

“Your boyfriend,” Raven said, perching herself on the edge of Monty’s desk, “is so fucking awesome.” Monty smiled, a warm tug in his chest. “He asked about you a lot, I think he’s mad he upset you?”

Monty shrugged, waving his hand. “Nah. I’m glad you two had fun with him.”

“When’s it _my_  turn,” Jasper whined, burying his face under a pillow from his bed across the room. “Me and Harper want celeb-perks!”

“I’m patient and willing to wait,” Harper said with a wink. 

“Me _too_ ,” Jasper insisted, peeling his pillow off his face. “But, like–ugh!” 

Monty laughed a little. He was happy that his friends were enjoying his boyfriend’s life just as much as he was.

* * *

 

Only he wasn’t.

Monty wasn’t really enjoying the life of Nathan Miller anymore.

It had been almost two full months and they hadn’t gone on a real date, they hadn’t left the hotel. They were laying in his bed together now, Miller’s fingers tracing lightly over the curve of Monty’s cheeks. And Monty was content. He was. But he wanted more.

“Let’s do something,” Monty said. 

Miller arched an eyebrow. “Like what?” he asked. 

“I don’t know,” Monty shrugged. “Let’s go get milkshakes. Or… see a movie, or something.” Miller pulled his hand away and shifted to sit up at once. “Nate…”

“Monty it’s just–”

“No, stop,” Monty cut him off. “I mean–I know the reasons. We talk about them every time my friends get to go to your events and I _don’t_.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Miller muttered. “That’s not–that isn’t how this is.”

“It just feels like you’re not even making an _effort_ for us to do something. Jesus, Nate, I’m not going to jump your bones in public. I know how to keep my hands to myself.” Miller sighed and Monty moved to sit up too. “It just feels like you enjoy keeping me a secret.”

“Fuck,” Miller murmured. He reached out, his hands cupping Monty’s cheeks. “You think I don’t want to scream it to the world? That I’m with you?” Miller shook his head frantically, trying to get this message across as clear as possible. “I _do_ ,” he insisted. 

“Then why–”

“I _told_ you why!” 

Monty pulled backwards then, yanking his face out of Miller’s grip. He shook his head again, eyes darting elsewhere, and the room was quiet. Miller was tense, like there was something he wanted to say, but nothing was coming out. 

“I know that you’re famous,” Monty said slowly. “And I know that you have a reputation to uphold, or whatever.” Finally his eyes crawled back up to him. “But you’re my boyfriend, too. I’m not just yours.” Miller’s face is blank as Monty speaks. “And I–I feel like I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for you, I just want a little give too. You know?” 

Miller let out a short breath. “Yeah.” He reached out again, this time with only one hand to curve around Monty’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I’ll figure something out. Okay? We’ll…” he edged closer and tugged lightly, bringing Monty close to him again. “We’ll get milkshakes and go to the movies. I swear it.”

* * *

 

They didn’t.

Another week passed and Monty woke up one morning to Harper pounding on his bedroom door. Jasper would have been annoyed if he’d been there, but he stayed at Maya’s the night before. So Monty climbed out of bed to answer it and she pushed in, thrusting a paper in his direction.

**_OCTATHEN IS REAL!_ **

Monty frowned, reading the headline three times before he finally understood what it was saying. Finally he looked up at Harper who’d been standing there wordlessly for the past couple of minutes. She made a face at him that said _read it_. So he did.

And his heart broke.

“I’ve got to talk to him,” Monty said, rubbing the sleep he’d been jarred from out of his eyes. He paced around his room and got dressed quickly, all while Harper stood there with her arms crossed over her chest. “It’s just a tabloid…” he tried to reason.

“Monty,” Harper said, her voice tight. “I know that you won’t say it to any of _us_ ,” she said. “Because like–he’s _Nathan Miller_. But if you and him aren’t okay–”

“It’s,” Monty cut him off, shaking his head. “I don’t know.” 

“ _Monty_ …”

He dragged his hand through his hair and collapsed into the chair at his desk. “You never think it’ll happen, you know?” he asked. Monty was looking elsewhere, knowing if he looked at Harper he couldn’t get it out. “That you’ll actually meet your favorite actor, that they’ll want to _be_  with you. And you never expect–you never expect to really _fall_  for them. Like, maybe at one point it was the fame, and the skills, and the money. You can’t deny that. But–but suddenly there’s more. And you don’t care about any of that, the fame, or whatever. You just want the guy. And he wants you too, he does, and you _know it_  by the way he looks at you. But only in private. He only wants you if it’s a secret.” 

Monty’s voice cracked at the end and the sadness that ached inside of him was too much. Harper sighed quietly, crossing the room to her friend and resting her hand gently on his shoulder. 

“So you have to talk to him,” she said, and he nodded. “I’m here if you need me, okay?” Monty nodded again, finally looking up at Harper who was offering him a sad smile. “I don’t give a crap if he’s famous, I’ll kick Nathan Miller’s ass any day of the week.”

* * *

 

Monty knew that Miller wasn’t expecting him, but he was all bright and smiley when Monty entered the room anyway. 

“I was just about to call you,” he said, moving toward him for a greeting. “You’ll never guess what happened on set today. John Murphy, who–”

Monty cut him off, thrusting the paper that Harper had given him against Miller’s chest. “What’s this?” Monty asked. The smile that was on Miller’s face was gone in an instant, and with a frown Miller grabbed the paper, pulling it back so he could read the front cover. The look that crossed Miller’s face when he read the headline was enough for Monty to feel his chest get tight again. But he could do this, he could have this conversation. “So you can’t be seen in public with me,” Monty said, taking a step back. “Not even just walking down the street. But it’s fine for people to speculate about you and Octavia being together.” 

Miller licked his lips. “Monty,” he started.

“No,” Monty stopped. “Read the third paragraph.” Miller sighed and clenched his jaw before looking back down at the paper. “Out loud,” Monty added sharply. 

He sighed again. “ _‘When reaching out to a spokesperson_ ,’” he read, “ _‘no explicit details were given. ‘They haven’t seen each other in a long time,’ assistant to Nathan Miller said, ‘and it’s nice to see him so happy again. He’s always so happy when Octavia’s around.’’”_ Miller looked up. “Monty,” he tried again. 

“Keep. Reading.”

Miller’s eyes were dark now. “‘ _It makes us wonder if there’s more to the Blake/Miller dynamic than we originally thought. Octathan, anyone? We love a budding romance.’”_ Miller let out a short breath. “It’s just a fucking tabloid.” 

“I know it’s just a tabloid,” Monty echoed angrily. “But I–it…” he trailed off and stepped back again running his hand through his hair. “It sucks!” he exploded. “It _sucks_ that I have to see this shit, Nate!” Miller looked away and Monty grabbed the paper back from him. “And this–a spokesperson–is that _Roma?”_

“I never told her to _ever_ –”

“God, I–I don’t care!” Monty started to pace, his hands moving around as he spoke. “I’m so mad! I’m so mad for _so many reasons_! I don’t even know where to _start_!” He spun back to Miller then. “Should I be angry that you’re trying to pass as straight? But that–you’ve got no say in that, right? God–don’t even answer that question, I don’t want to know. Or should I–should I be angry that you don’t even seem to _care?_ Mostly I’m angry that I can’t leave this goddamn hotel room with you!” 

Monty was heaving for breath, his chest rising and falling just as angrily as his outburst.

“Obviously I don’t condone this,” Miller forced out through his teeth. 

“Obviously,” Monty echoed sarcastically. “So I guess I just have to deal with it then, huh?” Miller didn’t respond. He held Monty’s gaze for a long time before it shot to the ground and he looked guilty. The aching anger inside of Monty’s chest dissolved into water, thick and heavy and sad. “Fine,” Monty said, taking a step back toward the door. “I’ve got a test coming up that I should be studying for.” 

“ _Monty.”_ Miller stepped after him, reaching for his hand. “C’mon, we should talk about this.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Monty asked, yanking his hand away before Miller could even touch him. “You obviously don’t want to talk about it. And what’s going to change? Nothing’s going to change.” 

“It’s just _politics_ ,” Miller tried, starting after him.

“Politics?” Monty repeated. “ _Politics_? It’s your life, Nate. And that–that makes it my life, too!” Miller lifted his hand to his forehead, his eyebrows smushed together as Monty ranted. “Clearly I’m not enough for you, okay? So just–”

“ _Monty_ ,” he stopped him, a desperate hitch to his voice. “You’re more than enough for me.” 

Monty gestured to the room. “Doesn’t feel like that.” He gestured to the tabloid again, still gripped in one of his hands. “I’m never going to be famous. And, you know, I’m always gonna be a guy. So just–I’m not good enough for your image, alright? So I’m not enough.”

“That’s bullshit,” Miller snapped. 

“You’re right!” Monty yelled. “It is!” 

“Well what do you want from me?” Miller asked, opening his arms. “What do you want me to do, you want me to come out?”

“You know I can’t ask you that,” Monty responded sharply. “I’d never ask you to do that for me!”

“Then _what!”_ Miller’s voice echoed around the room and Monty shifted backwards on his feet. He didn’t have an answer. And maybe it was the look on Monty’s face, but Miller must’ve known that this was over. Because Miller’s face crumbled. “Monty,” he croaked. 

“I’m sorry,” Monty shook his head, ignoring the way his insides were shattering too. Because he was good enough. Monty had to believe that he himself was good enough, that he deserved to be loved loudly and proudly. And he knew–of _course_  Monty knew there was more to it than that. And that it was a scary thing, coming out. But he was so tired of hiding. “I hope you find what you need,” he added weakly. 

“Monty,” Miller tried again, stepping after him. “Wait,” he pleaded, “just–wait a second.” 

“I just–I can’t,” Monty said, shaking his head. “I can’t. I can’t.” He stepped backwards again. “I’m sorry.”

* * *

 

**_From Monty - 10:35 PM  
Raven and Harper aren’t answering their phone… can you pick me up? I know you just got off work… sorry._ **

**_From Jasper - 10:35 PM  
u @ millers again? didnt know u were going tonight_ **

**_From Monty - 10:36 PM  
it’s over. I need to get drunk. or something. help. _ **

**_From Jasper - 10:36 PM  
??????????????????????????????????? OMW_ **

* * *

 

“ _Octathan_ ,” Jasper read with a frown. They were in the parking lot of a Sonic, waiting for milkshakes to be brought out to them. How hard would it have been to get in a car and drive to a Sonic so Miller and Monty could’ve gotten milkshakes? That wasn’t an impossible request, was it? “Natavia sounds so much better…”

“ _Jasper,”_ Monty murmured. 

“Oh, right. Sorry.” He looked up from the paper at his friend. “I mean, if I could pretend like I was dating Octavia Blake,” Jasper said, “I’d do it too.” Monty sunk down in his seat, feeling the energy sap out of him. “I don’t know,” Jasper said with a shrug. “It’s probably different with them. Right? Actors?” 

“I mean of course it is,” Monty said. “I don’t know. I just can’t… I couldn’t spend another day in that goddamn hotel room while _Octathan_  was doing whatever the hell they wanted.”

Jasper groaned, “Natavia sounds _so_ much better!” He looked to Monty. “You know what sounds better than Natavia? Or Octathan?” he asked, and Monty shook his head. “ _Minty_.” A laugh that was misplaced bubbled out of Monty and he quickly shook his head at his friend. “Oh, come on! You know it does.”

“Well _Minty’s_  over,” Monty murmured. He thought for a minute. “It would’ve been like, Ninty, anyway. Or like, Montathan.” 

“ _But Minty sounds so much better_ ,” Jasper insisted.

Despite the way it made him feel broken, Monty couldn’t help but agree.

* * *

 

“So…” Raven trailed off as she sunk onto Monty’s bed beside him. It had been a few days and he hadn’t spoken with Miller. Miller also hadn’t Tweeted, or posted on Instagram, or made a Snapchat. Neither had Monty. He felt so tired. “I can’t believe you broke up with Nathan Miller.”

Monty knew he didn’t believe in fate anyway. 

“I’m fine, Raven,” he said.

“Okay,” Raven said. “ _Sure_.” Monty took a deep breath, looking at her with a frown. “Then you won’t be upset to hear that Clarke and Bellamy–you know, _Bellamy Blake international supermodel_ –have exchanged phone numbers and are texting?”

“She can do whatever she wants,” Monty said. “And if it bites her in the ass, so be it.” 

“Also Octavia’s rad and we have a Snapchat streak going on,” Raven said.

Monty smiled at his friend. He was happy that whatever happened between him and Miller hadn’t ruined the small pockets of joy his friends got too. He _did_  never get to take Jasper and Harper to the set of Miles Morales, but they didn’t seem too upset about it. 

Raven reached out, brushing Monty’s hair from his face. “You okay?” she asked quietly, and he nodded. He’d be fine. Breakups always sucked. They just sucked even more with a famous person. “Well if you want to talk.”

“Thanks.”

They were quiet for a few minutes before Jasper burst into their room, holding his phone in the air as though it was a sword. “ _Monty!_ ” The urgency in Jasper’s voice caused both Raven and Monty to sit up at once. “Have you seen this?!.”

He thrust his phone in Monty’s direction and he exchanged a nervous look with Raven before looking at Jasper’s screen.

It was a YouTube video.

Raven pressed play.

The image took a second to load (fucking Arkadia wifi) but then Miller’s face was on Jasper’s phone. He looked tired, and nervous, and Monty’s stomach surged at the sight of him in his hotel room. 

“So,” Miller said on the video, “a lot of you probably know who I am.” 

Jasper gestured dramatically with his hands and Monty frowned. “I can’t make the video _go faster_ , Jasper!”

“Shhh,” Raven scolded them. 

“My name’s Nathan Miller–most people call me Miller. I was recently cast to play Miles Morales in the new Spiderman movie. Which is honestly a big fucking deal. You know. That they’re finally gonna have a black Spiderman? It’s a huge honor. But… there’s a lot riding on it.” Miller shrugged a shoulder. “There’s worries that it won’t be as successful, shit like that. Racism in the movie industry. But I’m working my ass off because I think it’s going to be awesome.” 

“Anyway,” Miller carried on. “That’s not the point. The point of that was, Spiderman’s tied to Marvel, and Marvel’s owned by Disney, and I had to jump through a _fuck ton_  of hoops to make this video. Contracts are a pain in the ass. And–okay–I put it off for a while too. Ignored it. Because it was easier. And I was scared. Also I’m going to get dragged considering I’ve said fuck a lot in this video–sorry Dad.” 

Raven nudged Monty with a little laugh. 

“So Octavia Blake,” Miller went on, “is one of my best friends. Well actually her older Bellamy is my best friend, but with Bellamy comes Octavia, and so whatever. She’s part of the deal. And there were tabloids and photos and articles going around the other day saying that she and I were together. Like, my dad texted me because he was confused. That’s how big it got. That my dad, who doesn’t even own a smartphone, texted me about this relationship I was supposedly in. She and Bellamy are in the city working on some runway thing and I’ve been spending a lot of time with them. But Octavia and I are by no means _dating_.” 

“In fact,” Miller said, “she’s not my type at all. Because, and here’s the hoops I had to jump through, she’s not a guy.” Miller was quiet for a minute. “I’m gay,” he said. And then he laughed a little, shaking his head. “In fact I’ve got someone–a boyfriend. Boy… something. Whatever. That’s complicated. Relationships are complicated when you’ve got to spend half the day wearing a spandex suit.” 

Raven snorted again and Miller, on the screen, shook his head. 

“This, by no means,” Miller said, “means that Miles Morales is gay. I mean, maybe he’s bisexual. I don’t know what Marvel’s gonna do. But I’m not my character, and he’s not me.” Miller reached forward to readjust the camera he’d used to film himself. “This doesn’t make up for what I did to you,” Miller said lowly, and Monty knew instantly that he was talking to him. “But I’m sorry. And fuck–I miss you. And I hate shit like this,” Miller said, gesturing to the camera. “Coming out–God, society fucking sucks. People are gay, get over it. They don’t have to make a big deal about it. I hate big deals. Just stop assuming everyone’s straight for the love of God. But, you are worth every stupid fucking big deal. Okay? So…” Miller trailed off. “If you call me, you know I’ll answer.” 

“Oh my God,” Raven exhaled. “What a goddamn romantic.” 

“And just, this is for everyone,” Miller carried on in the video. “Remember that no matter how scared you are, sometimes,” Miller said, cocking his shoulder into a shrug, “you just have to go for it.” 

He offered a small smile, and then the video cut out. 

* * *

 

Monty’s group text with his friend was constantly flooded with article after article that they found.

**_Nathan Miller: Gay. Watch his Coming-Out Video Here_ **

**_Our Top 10 Guesses as to Nathan Miller’s Mysterious Boyfriend!_ **

**_Octathan, More like Not-tathan._ **

**_Disney and Marvel Being Flooded with Praise for Nathan Miller_ **

**_Twitter Riots Ensue: Miles Morales Gay? Tweet us your thoughts!_ **

Monty locked himself in the bathroom and paced, gnawing on his bottom lip. _You know I’ll answer_. Monty dialed Miller’s number.

* * *

 

It hadn’t even been a full week since Monty had last seen Miller in person, but it had been a _very long_ time in which he’d seen Miller outside. He was wearing an old sweatshirt and a cap that read _Unity Day_ and shifting awkwardly on his feet. 

“You remember where we met,” Miller had said into the phone when Monty called. “Right? Meet me there.”

And it was late, and the coffee stand was closed and campus was practically empty, but Miller was there and he was waiting. Monty watched as Miller checked his phone before slipping it back into his pocket, fidgeting on his feet again. Monty took a deep breath and strode over to him purposefully, the words already pushing their way out of his throat.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Monty called. Miller looked up, spotting him, and Monty froze yards away from him. His words carried in the dark. “You didn’t have to do that for me,” Monty said again. 

“It was for me, too,” Miller said. He stepped in Monty’s direction, not as quickly but with the same amount of sureness that Monty had used. “You were right,” he said, shaking his head. “About all of it. You were right to be angry, and you were right to feel used, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Monty shook his head. “ _Nate_.” 

Miller was close enough that he could reach out, and he did. He grabbed Monty’s hand and Monty didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry,” Miller said again, his voice thick with so much emotion that Monty knew to be true. “I know who I am, and I’m not ashamed of that. And I’m not ashamed of you. And I’m sorry.” 

Miller stepped closer still, his hand still holding Monty’s. “You didn’t have to do that for me,” Monty whispered again, his voice shaking. 

“I know,” Miller whispered back. “Even if this–even if you don’t want me anymore, I don’t regret it. And if you _don’t_  want me anymore, I understand that too. Fuck, I was awful to you. And famous relationships are are a pain in the ass.” Monty was staring at him, almost unsure of what to say. “You deserve to be loved out loud,” Miller murmured. “And I want, _so badly,_ to–”

Monty surged up on his toes and tugged Miller down the few inches of height he had on him, crashing their lips together. Miller sighed into Monty’s mouth and Monty forgot how to think. They were outside. They were outside kissing. 

And Monty was nodding, though he wasn’t sure why. _Yes, I want this too. Yes, I forgive you. Yes, I’m the luckiest person that’s ever existed. Yes, Nathan Miller is my boyfriend._

Finally Miller pulled back, a reckless grin on his face, and pinned his forehead to Monty’s. “How about we get those milkshakes?” Miller asked breathlessly. 

“Yes, please,” Monty responded with a smile of his own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was strange for me to write, considering I'm not a celebrity that has to come out and I don't really know how it would work, but here it went! I hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Chapter 3

“Jesus, Nate,” Monty groaned, resting his head backwards against the wall. “We’re _never_  going to get there if we keep this up.” 

If Miller heard him, or cared, it didn’t show. He was busy sucking bruises onto Monty’s throat while grinding his hips against him at _just_  the right spot. It turned out hiding from the paparazzi was one of Monty’s favorite things to do. And one of Miller’s favorite thing to do was kiss Monty. And overall, they ended up down a lot of alleyways doing both of those things at the same time. 

“Just imagine,” Monty tried again breathlessly, “that when we get to my dorm there’ll be a _bed_  there. Small bed, but still a bed. And no cameras.” 

“That’s a sound argument,” Miller murmured into Monty’s neck. He kissed him again before sucking another time. “But you’re right _here_  and I’m so _horny_.”

“We’re not having sex in this alley,” Monty forced out with a laugh. Miller pulled back with a grin, and Monty knew he was teasing anyway. As well as the public was responding to Miller coming out, no one wanted to get caught with their pants around their ankles for the tabloids to eat alive. “C’mon, we’re almost there,” Monty said, curving his hand around Miller’s cheek. 

“Will Jasper be there?” Miller asked, to which Monty nodded. “Okay, then we’re staying in this alleyway.” 

“Baby,” Monty said with a laugh. “Nate. Come _on_.” 

“Mm, fuck,” Miller exhaled. “I love that so fucking much,” he nearly whined, rocking his hips to Monty’s. Monty grinned, knowing what he was referring to. _Baby_. Miller had a thing for pet names. Miller also just had a thing for Monty, so. “Fastest way to get there?” 

“Straight through,” Monty answered. Miller practically whined again. Right through the paparazzi they were trying to avoid. “I know a back way, though.”

* * *

 

Monty was thankful that Harper was working the front desk when they arrived in his building. He slid his student ID over the counter as Miller rifled around for his licence so Harper could print him a guest pass. 

“While I think being a celebrity,” Harper said as she typed out the pass, “is cool and all, I’m one hundred percent wiling to fight you any day of the week.”

Miller grinned, propping himself up on his elbows so he could look at her. “That so, Harper?” 

“Entirely.” She printed the pass and ripped it from the machine before handing it over to him, smiling just as brightly. “Have fun, you two.”

“Be nice, Harper,” Monty reminded her.

“I’m being perfectly civil,” she said, her eyes narrowing in Miller’s direction. “But I’m also pretty good at holding grudges.”

“Noted,” Miller said. He tipped his head at Harper as Monty dragged him to the elevator, thankful no one else was hanging out in the lobby. “What’d I do?” Miller asked once they were on their way up to Monty’s room. Monty shrugged, and Miller frowned. “Octathan?” he asked, and Monty shrugged again. Miller grabbed Monty’s hands and squeezed. “You said you didn’t want to be in tabloids,” Miller said. “That’s the only thing keeping everyone from knowing you and I are together.”

“And I _don’t,”_ Monty said. He _didn’t_ want to be in tabloids. But he understood Harper’s hesitation to accept Miller, just as he understood Miller’s want to move on. “It doesn’t matter,” Monty said, tugging his boyfriend toward him so he could kiss him. “As long as I have you.” 

“Always,” Miller murmured against his lips. 

Making out with Miller was _always_  fun. It didn’t have to be in an alleyway, elevators were just as fun. Miller cornered him and twirled his hips, causing Monty to wonder if there was a camera on the elevator that was watching them. The thought was quickly swat away when Miller’s tongue slipped into Monty’s mouth and Monty groaned, wishing this elevator ride would never end. 

When it did, Monty quickly pulled Miller to his dorm room, not even checking to see if there were people in the common area to stop and talk to. The door was unlocked like usual but Jasper wasn’t there. Monty paused, cocking his head and digging around in his pocket for his phone.

**_From Jasper - 3:45 PM  
enjoy the privacy.......!_ **

**_From Jasper - 3:45 PM  
also tell  ur dumbass boyfriend to let me on his dumbass movie set pls & thx this was a bribe_ **

Monty laughed loudly, turning to face Miller so he could show him who laughed too.

“I’ll check our schedule right now,” Miller said, climbing onto Monty’s bed and grabbing his laptop from the dresser beside him. Monty frowned and huffed a little, figuring that Miller would much rather be trying to get Monty’s clothes off, and Miller looked up with a little smirk. “When I get this out of the way,” Miller said as he settled down, “then we’ll have all the time in the world for whatever you want, baby.” 

Monty sighed but agreed before crossing the room to his desk, sitting down and watching as Miller logged in and went to open his work schedule. It hadn’t even been a few seconds since Miller logged in did his eyebrows collide and his lips part slightly. 

Something like panic surged in Monty’s gut, wondering what he’d left up on his computer. “What is it?” Monty asked. 

“What fresh hell is this?” Miller muttered in response. Monty threw himself from his desk and scrambled over to Miller stretched out on his bed, looking at a website. Monty tried to close the laptop, realizing with a heavy heart what he’d left open, but Miller had already seen too much. “Why were you on Nathan Miller dot Net?” he asked, tipping his head in Monty’s direction.

Monty shrugged. Tried to play the innocent card. “Dunno.”

“Monty.”

There was no reason to lie. He let out a short breath and let his face grow warm. “I was reading forums,” he murmured. Miller looked back at the screen. Monty knew _for a fact_ that Nathan Miller dot Net was managed by his assistant Roma and that Miller stayed _far away_  from it, so Monty thought it was safe there. “I was, uh...”

“Oh, fuck,” Miller exhaled, his eyes finally honing in on what Monty had been reading.

It was a list. Of potential boyfriends. For Miller. 

Monty tried his hardest not to look ashamed but he _was_. Miller was looking back at the screen, clicking through the different links. “I just--” Monty started, and stopped, and hesitated. He was curious. He nestled on the bed next to Miller and reached for his laptop, praying that Miller wouldn’t find _the one._ “C’mon,” Monty tried to close it. “You’ve got your schedule on your phone--”

“This one’s got your name,” Miller said, cutting him off. 

A very small, _very small_ , group of people had found Monty through Miller’s Twitter, and there was some minimum (very minimum) discussion that he could potentially be Miller’s boyfriend. Little did this very small subgroup know they were _correct_. 

“Yeah,” Monty murmured. “Don’t--” Miller clicked the link. 

Miller had been pretty big in the news for the past couple of weeks after he came out. There was certainly some backlash but most of it was support, and most websites had dedicated a large section of their time to trying to figure out his current boyfriend. Fans were sneakier though, more clever, more dedicated. They’d found Monty, after all.

But Monty wasn’t the Ideal Boyfriend™ for Miller. He wasn’t famous, he wasn’t well known. All of the lists that places like Buzzfeed had were names like Bryan Wellbelove or Otan Gideon or even Bellamy. Famous people just like him. 

Monty just wanted to see who they’d been talking about. Who he’d have to be compared against eventually when the paparazzi figured out who he was. He’d been surprised to find _MONTY GREEN_ as the title of one of the forums. 

“Nate, really,” Monty tried. “It’s not--” Miller waved his hand, cutting him off again without even saying anything. He was already reading. 

**_NathanxBryan34_   
_Came across a @xmasgreenings on Twitter who Nathan’s following. Seemingly no connections to Nathan’s lifestyle. Just a random college student. Here’s a pic of him--his name’s Monty. His Twitter is public but I couldn’t find anything about Nathan. What do you think?_ **

**_MillerStansUnite  
this is a joke...... right? our boy can NOT be dating whatever that is_ **

**_NathanxBryan34  
@MillerStansUnite aw that’s a little cruel. I just wanted opinions!_ **

**_MillersStanUnite  
@NathanxBryan34 my opinion is: no_ **

**_MilesMorales88  
I agree! this Monty guy is just NOT Nathan’s type. _ **

**_MillerMillerMiller21  
definitely NOT cute enough either..._ **

**_UnofficialMillerly  
probably using him for his fame._ **

Monty felt his chest get tighter as Miller continued to scroll, to read, in stone cold silence. 

There was a group of people who _supported_  Monty, of course, just not as many of them.

**_EyelashBro99  
I think it’d be cool for Nathan to have a guy who’s out of the spotlight. His life’s stressful enough as it is, you know?_ **

**_Jarod2Miller  
@EyelashBro99 agreed! And if Nate likes him, then what’s the big deal? _ **

But, like, most of it was horrible. 

Monty had barely even sighed when Miller shoved the laptop aside and hitched himself over Monty’s hips, bending in to kiss him without any warning. Monty gasped into his boyfriend’s mouth and groaned when he shifted his weight onto him. “That’s all such fucking bullshit,” Miller murmured between their mouths. “It’s bullshit, Monty, you hear me?”

“It’s _fine_ ,” Monty tried, but Miller stopped him from saying too much and kissed him instead. Monty was fine to kiss instead of talk about the amount of public hate that was going to thrown his way when people found out who he was. 

“Too good for me,” Miller was murmuring into Monty’s mouth, again and again, “you’re too _good_ for me.” Monty pulled back the best he could and Miller propped himself up. “You go through so much _shit_  for me, Monty,” Miller said. He licked his lips and shook his head. “I’m gonna release a statement.”

“ _Nate_.”

“Just telling people to chill out,” he continued. “Won’t have your name. But--fuck, that’s so fucking shitty.” Monty could feel Miller’s hands shaking with silent anger so he laced their fingers together and squeezed tightly. “It’s just...” Miller trailed off with a sigh, pulling back slightly. “It’s going to get worse,” he said. Monty latched his ankles around Miller to keep him from getting too far. “It’s not something I can keep you from no matter how hard I try.”

“I know,” Monty said. He _knew_ that. That public hate, awful fans, they all existed and were a daily part of Miller’s life. He’d been putting up with it for a long time, even more so when he’d been cast as Miles Morales. It was unceasing. There were always going to be people who were full of hate, and they were always going to make their shitty opinions known. “It’s not--you don’t have to _protect me_ , Nate.”

“I wish I could,” Miller exhaled. He lowered himself back down, stealing another soft kiss. “After everything I’ve put you through--”

“ _Stop,”_ Monty said sternly. Miller had made it a little difficult when they first got together, but that was in the past. Monty was sure of their relationship, their bond, and that wasn’t an issue. This time the problems were from the _outside_. “This isn’t something you can control, or fix, or whatever, it’s just part of your life.” Miller heaved a pained sigh but nodded, covering Monty’s body with his own and nuzzling into his neck where he could kiss and kiss and kiss. “I know it’s gonna be hard when people find out,” Monty said. He’d been preparing for it for forever. “I mean my mom had a freaking heart attack when I told her. I don’t think she believes me, but...” Monty trailed off as Miller let out a breathy laugh against his throat. “I’ll have you, Nate,” Monty said softly. “That’s what I want. You’re what I want.” 

“Too good for me,” Miller said again.

They kissed until their lips went numb. 

* * *

 

When Miller was invited as a guest on Alie Promheda’s talk show City of Light, he invited Monty along. Monty wasn’t sure if he wanted to go. But Clarke said that Bellamy had invited her (Monty still wasn’t entirely sure what was going on between his friend and the international model, he didn’t want to nose his way into it, but it’d been a while since they started talking) and Raven had always wanted to go to Alie’s show, so Monty agreed. Miller swore up and down that no one would know who Monty was and Monty wanted to be there to support his boyfriend, so when the day rolled around they all climbed into the car and headed to the studio. Jasper and Harper would’ve come too if they hadn’t had to work.

“It’s not like people have a radar,” Raven said as they filed into the front row that was reserved just for them. “People won’t see you and immediately know who you are.”

“We’re with Bellamy Blake,” Monty pointed out. “Nate’s best friend. Yeah. Really subtle.”

“ _You’re_ not with Bellamy Blake,” Raven carried on. “ _Clarke’s_ with Bellamy Blake. And we’re with Clarke.”

“I’m not _with_ —” Clarke tried, but both Raven and Monty rolled their eyes before she could get anywhere, so she huffed instead. “It’s going to be _fine_ ,” she said, directing her attention to Monty.

And Monty knew that it probably _was_ going to be fine. But after Miller found those forums, Monty had gone through them more and more. He searched his name on Tumblr, on Twitter, looking for any sort of conversation about himself. And like the forums, most of it was awful. Miller had warned him beforehand that he was probably going to say something about Monty today on the show (without using his name, of course) so Monty was psyching himself up.

Bellamy offered him a smile that echoed Raven’s sentiment of _it’s going to be fine_ , and Monty nodded in silent thanks.

Soon enough Miller climbed onto the stage. He was wearing his Celebrity Smile™ and waved to the crowd, sending a wink in Monty’s direction when he spotted him and their friends in the front row. Raven reached out and nudged Monty gently as if to remind him to relax too. The interview was mostly focused on Miller’s movie, his role as Miles Morales, and he was eager to answer questions and say as much as his contract allowed. There was a big reveal, the first official photo of Miller in his suit, and the cheers that followed were overwhelming.

But of course, of course, of course, no interview is complete without a dip into his private life.

“So,” Alie said after some cheers had died down, “you released a video about a month ago that is _still_ causing some commotion.”

“Yep,” Miller said with his typical smirk.

“You have yet to speak about that big announcement since,” Alie carried on, and Miller shrugged. Monty knew where he stood on that. Miller didn’t feel like it was necessary to talk about it, to come out, to make a big show about it. He’d also been pretty busy working that no one had managed to book him until Alie. “Do you mind if we touch on that?”

“Why not?”

“Wonderful. I have seen a lot of things on both sides. Some people are offering their complete and utter support, others have turned their back on you. What has your experience been like thus far ever since you came out to the public?”

Miller tipped his head as though thinking, and Monty felt his chest grow warm. He cared so deeply about Miller, and he knew that public opinion was important to him. He was so frustrated when he found out that people were giving Monty shit despite there was no official statement that they were even together, Monty had no idea how he could handle all the backlash thrown at _himself_.

“You know,” Miller said, “I’ve got to be honest. Nothing’s really changed.” Alie cocked her head to the side and her eyes widened as a cue for him to elaborate. “I’ve still got this kickass job working on this movie that I love, I’ve still got all my best friends, the people I care about. There’s always been background noise for me, people who don’t like who I am or the roles that I get or whatever. Any hate that comes out of me being gay, it’s just more background noise. It doesn’t really affect me.” He extends his hand in Alie’s direction, “You want to know what pisses me off, though?”

“I’m sure we would all like to know,” Alie said.

“People can say whatever shit they want about me. It’s when they start talking about the people I care about—that’s when it’s not okay. It’s like—I’m a person. I’ve got a life. But I’ve been dealing with people being fucking rude for years now. There’s no reason to bring other people into it.”

Alie cocked her head another time. “Is this in reference to the boy you reached out to in your video?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Miller said. “My boyfriend.”

“We still do not have a name for that boy,” Alie said.

“And you’re not getting it today. It just pisses me off that people are talking trash like they know anything about him, or about our relationship. I love him, that should be all that matters.”

Monty’s heart exploded in his chest. He felt Bellamy nudge him with a soft laugh, and Raven reached out to grab Monty’s forearm.   _I love him, that should be all that matters._

 _I love him_.

Monty ducked his head to hide his smile from his friends but it had taken a hold of his face with no chance of it going anywhere. _He loves me_ , Monty thought blissfully. His entire body felt warm.

“Is he here today?” Alie asked, skipping over the _I love him_ like it didn’t mean a thing. Because to her, it didn’t. She didn’t know Monty, or Miller, or their relationship. She didn’t know how important that moment was in their lives.

“He’s _not_ ,” Miller answered flawlessly, with a soft little laugh and a smile that made Monty want to keep smiling for the rest of his life. “He’s got a life of his own, you know? But I’m sure he’s watching.” Miller winked at the camera and gave them another smile, a smile that Monty knew was just for him.

* * *

 

Bellamy snuck Monty backstage to Miller’s dressing room when the interview was over. Monty had barely even slipped into the room when Miller was on his feet, facing him, looking nervous.

They stared at each other for a moment. “You love me?” Monty asked. Miller’s mouth curved into a nervous smile as Monty strode toward him.

“I guess I did say that,” Miller murmured. “Huh?”

“Is it true?” Monty asked. He could barely hear anything over the roaring in his ears, so it was a good thing that Miller only dipped his head into a nod in response. Monty rushed toward him, his hands outstretched so he could cup Miller’s cheeks, and kissed him like it was the only thing he knew how to do. Miller sighed into Monty’s mouth and slipped his hands into Monty’s hair, fingers curling behind his ears to keep him close. “I love you,” Monty exhaled, his lips moving against Miller’s.

Miller’s grin was as wide as Monty’s was earlier so the kiss became mostly teeth, but Monty didn’t mind. “I love you,” Miller echoed. “I didn’t—I didn’t mean to…” he trailed off.

“Yeah, you hate big deals,” Monty whispered, “I know.”

 _I’m in love with Nathan Miller_. Of all the people to fall in love with—a celebrity— _Nathan Miller_ —Monty never thought that he’d be here, that he’d have _this_. It used to be a pipedream. Even _meeting_ Miller had been an impossibility. Dating him, something else. But falling in love with him? That love being reciprocated? _Nathan Miller’s in love with me_.

The biggest deal of all.

When their smiles had melted back into them and the kissing was easier to do, that’s what they did. They kissed and they tugged one another closer and they kissed and they kissed, infinitely warm, feeling fuzzy and bright. Everything felt perfect, kissing in a dressing room after a talk show neither of them truly cared about. So it wasn’t exactly their _fault_ that they didn’t pull themselves away from one another when the door pushed open, when a camera flashed.

Miller reacted before Monty did, years of paparazzi following him had prepared him for moments like this. He moved in front of Monty on instinct, shoving him back and behind him as he rushed toward the door. But he was too slow, because then the door was shut and whoever had snapped their photo was rushing down the hallway again.

“Give me a minute,” Miller growled to Monty, his lips wet and red and parted, his cheeks still flushed, and raced down the hallway after whoever had been there.

* * *

They were sitting side by side on Miller’s couch when Monty’s phone started to blow up with notifications.

The frustrated sigh that escaped Miller was all Monty needed to hear to know that it was happening.

Miller had chased after the camera guy, whoever he was, only to come up empty handed. Even after recruiting security, checking tapes, checking names, no one was found. Miller had gushed with apologies for hours, looking worried and stressed and angry all at once. But Monty had held his hands tightly and shook his head and kissed him with every ounce of love that he had. “It doesn’t matter,” Monty said. “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.”

“After everything,” Miller tried, but Monty wouldn’t hear it.

Someone knowing who Monty was, someone having a picture of Monty with Miller, that didn’t change how Monty felt about him. “I still love you,” he said. “No matter what happens.”

But when Monty’s phone exploded with Twitter notifications and texts from acquaintances that he shared class with who had questions, they knew that whoever had gotten a photo of them had sold it. Whoever had gotten a photo of them had also gotten Monty’s name. Monty shoved his phone aside without even looking at it and turned to Miller, finding him looking as though he was in physical pain.

“Don’t,” Monty said quickly. Miller had put so much on the line because of him. He laced their fingers together and squeezed tightly. “It’s okay.” Miller opened his mouth to protest but Monty shook his head, protesting before he could say anything. “We should—we should make a statement, or something, if you want.”

Miller’s jaw dropped. “Wh—if _I_ want?”

“You’re the famous one,” Monty reminded him.

“You’re the one who they’re going to be tearing into,” Miller shot back. “Monty.” He squeezed Monty’s hand. “I want to tell _everyone_ about you. I want to do _everything_ with you. You didn’t want to be in tabloids or anything and I—I get that, and I—”

“Well it’s too late for that anyway,” Monty shushed him.

“ _Monty_ ,” Miller tried again. “If you want to really go public, really, officially, go public, then _yes_. But you have to be sure.” Miller lifted his free hand to cup Monty’s cheek. Monty nodded. His heart was racing, racing, faster than Monty thought was humanly possible, but Monty was sure. It was just within his grasp, everything he wanted. The chance to hold Miller’s hand in public, to not sneak around unless absolutely necessary. He just had to say yes. So he nodded. “ _Monty_ ,” Miller said another time.

“I’m sure,” Monty said. “I’m sure. I want this. I’m sure.” Miller tugged Monty toward him, kissing him firmly. “I’m sure,” Monty said again. “I’m sure. _I’m sure._ ”

Miller’s hands were frantic after that gripping Monty’s collar to keep him as close as possible before slipping under Monty’s shirt altogether to pull it from his body. “Bed,” Miller rasped as Monty nodded in response.

They stumbled over themselves as they crossed the room to Miller’s bed, working each item of clothing off as they went before collapsing together. Miller nuzzled into Monty’s throat, nipping at his collarbone, whispering it again and again. _I love you, I love you, I love you_. And when they were breathless, lying side by side, sweat cooling on their bodies, Monty still felt the same. He loved Miller. He loved Miller _so much_.

Monty was tracing circles on Miller’s bare chest when he found his voice again. “It’s not because you’re famous, you know,” he whispered. Miller turned slightly, closer to Monty, but Monty couldn’t meet his eyes. “I just need you to know that—that’s not why I love you.” Miller caught Monty’s wrist gently and Monty let out a short breath. He still couldn’t meet Miller’s gaze, but with his other hand his boyfriend cupped his cheek and tilted his head back slightly. “You—Nate, you make me… I just—I’ve never felt like this, like I feel about you. So just… _complete_.”

“Monty,” Miller whispered. “I never thought that.” He pulled gently, just enough that their lips could brush. “When I’m with you,” Miller told him, “I don’t feel like _Nathan Miller_ , actor, Spider-Man, whatever. I just feel like _me_ , I feel like _Nate_. I feel like the person I want to be, the person I am when there isn’t a camera in my face.” He kissed Monty again, just as gently as the first time. “I never thought—not even from the beginning—that you were using me.”

“Never,” Monty breathed.

“I _know_ ,” Miller whispered again. The relief coursing through Monty at this moment, this confession, was so overwhelming and fantastic that Monty wanted to melt into the blankets. He felt so loved and so understood lying next to Nate like this, his eyes wide and warm, and so full of love himself. “God, I—” Miller was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Miller groaned and wrapped his arms around Monty, pressing his forehead to Monty’s chest. “Fucking hell,” Miller huffed.

“Maybe they’ll go away,” Monty said with a soft laugh, reaching up to cup the back of Miller’s head.

“Do they ever?” Miller wondered. Monty laughed another time as Miller kissed Monty’s sternum before pushing himself out of bed, scanning the floor for his boxers. There was another knock and Miller frowned. “I’m coming, I’m coming, damn.” He found Monty’s boxers before his own and winked before tugging them on and striding toward the door. Monty sunk back down into the blankets feeling delirious, smiling all to himself as Miller yanked open the door. “What?” he demanded.

“I know your boyfriend’s in here,” Roma responded. Monty swallowed a groan of his own. Roma never liked him much and was always very stern. Since the whole debacle in which she released a statement saying Octavia and Miller might be together, Monty’s steered clear of her. “Is he decent?”

“No,” Miller answered.

“Well get him decent,” she said. “His name’s out there and I have to talk to him.”

“Five minutes,” Miller muttered before shutting the door in her face. Miller still hadn’t completely forgiven Roma for adding fire to _Octathen_ either, but she was his assistant and was good at her job, so he put up with her. He turned back to Monty with a frown of his own. “Preemptive shit,” Miller told him, moving back toward the bed. “In case you’ve ever been in a fuckton of trouble, we should know about it now just in case it comes to light.”

“Oh, God.” Monty laughed as he raked his hands over his face. “Crap. Okay.”

“Crap?” Miller echoed with a grin. “Hiding something from me?”

“Not _hiding_ ,” Monty admitted. “Just… things we haven’t talked about yet.”

* * *

Roma’s interview was intense, but it wasn’t all that bad. Monty did have to talk a little bit about his teenage years when he was caught dealing pot to some other students, and the few traffic violations that he had (never driving under the influence though), but that wasn’t awful. He was sort of thrown when Roma asked, “Sexual history?”

Monty flushed under her pointed gaze. “That’s relevant… how?”

“Nathan’s old flames have already started coming forward,” Roma pointed out. “Bryan Wellbelove released an entire interview about the time the two of them had a weekend fling in Canada a few years back, and if we didn’t know anything about it beforehand we would’ve looked like complete idiots.”

“Wait.” Monty turned to Miller. “You and Bryan Wellbelove had a _fling_?”

“Don’t you read tabloids?” Roma asked.

“No,” Monty answered.

Miller offered him a sheepish smile. “We haven’t talked about exes,” he said to Monty. His eyes flickered in Roma’s direction. “Sorry,” he said a touch softer.

Monty let out a short breath and shrugged. Exes didn’t matter. Of course Miller had famous exes. Bryan freaking Wellbelove, of all people, but—okay—whatever. “Dated a guy in high school who got arrested for dealing coke,” Monty said, giving her the name. “Me and Harper hooked up my senior year a few times but we never _dated_. She’d never say anything about me anyway. Uh—”

“Harper?” Miller cut him off. “McIntyre?”

“Yeah.” Monty felt small all of a sudden. He knew some people could be weird about it, in fact after everything that Miller had been through he most certainly should have told his boyfriend before now, but it never came up and Monty didn’t know how to make it. “I’m bisexual,” Monty said softly.

Miller reached out then, almost as though he could sense Monty’s nerves, and laced their fingers together. He tugged Monty’s hand up toward him and kissed his knuckles firmly. “Learn something new every day,” Miller said with a smile.

Roma snapped her fingers, tugging his attention away from Miller and the sense of comfort that came with him and back to her. “Anyone else?”

Monty carried on with his (pretty short) list until she was satisfied, and Roma left the two of them within the hour. They settled back on the couch, Miller draping his arms around Monty’s waist and nuzzling into his neck as they got the Wii ready to play some Mario Kart. Miller nipped at his ear. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered.

“It wasn’t a secret,” Monty said back. “I just…” he trailed off with a sigh, settling closer as Miller hugged him tighter. “Some people are so awful about it, and I know I shouldn’t have assumed that you would be—”

“Considering I’m in love with you,” Miller hummed.

“—I just shut it out of my mind, I guess.” Miller kissed him again, a little lower on his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for who you are,” Miller murmured. “It doesn’t change how I feel.” God, these past few days were so full of relief. It was endless, flowing like a waterfall, soaking every inch of him. He was so lucky to have this boy who he loved, this boy who loved him and accepted him. “I mean I still wish you’d told me,” Miller said. “But I mean, I couldn’t come out either. So I understand.”

“I wasn’t hiding it,” Monty insisted. “I mean my friends know. My parents know.”

“Okay,” Miller said. “But I didn’t.” Monty sighed. “I’m not mad,” Miller said another time. “I’m not. Just—no more secrets? For either of us?”

Monty nodded and slouched even more against his boyfriend. “Love you,” Monty murmured.

He felt Miller grin against his throat. “Love you,” Miller echoed. They were quiet a moment. “ _Harper_?” Monty couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

* * *

 

**_From Jasper – 6:43 PM  
BABE GOOD LUCK_ **

**_From Clarke – 6:44 PM  
You’re gonna kill it Monty!!_ **

**_From Harper – 6:44 PM  
If he makes any inappropriate comments I’ll kill him. I will._ **

**_From Raven – 6:45 PM  
if you meet Roan Winters and don’t get me an autograph then I will kill YOU_ **

**_From Jasper – 6:56 PM  
ALSO FOR THE LOVE! OF! GOD! MAKE HIM TAKE US TO HIS MOVIE SET!_ **

Miller reached out, tugging Monty’s phone from his hands where he was getting a crapton of messages from his friend’s group text, and placed it on the ground. He gave Monty a skeptical look but Monty nodded, gesturing for him to keep it. They were in the back of a fancy black car on their way to an insanely important fashion show that Octavia and Bellamy had prime spots in. They were going together.

Monty had been outfitted in a nice suit, something that the Blakes found for him, and he was nervous. He was so _nervous_. This was their first time out together. The event had so much coverage that Miller was sure to get an interview, and with Monty holding his hand they were most definitely going to be interviewed. They’d have photos taken together. The world would know, officially, that Monty Green was the secret boyfriend that Nathan Miller had been keeping hidden for some time now.

“Okay?” Miller asked, and Monty nodded.

“Jasper still wants to go to the set,” Monty told him, smiling as a grin took hold of Miller’s face.

“Tuesday afternoon,” Miller whispered, leaning in to kiss Monty gently. Monty’s eyebrows shot up and Miller nodded. “Already cleared it with the producer,” Miller told him. “We’re doing some stuff on the rig, so I’ll be in the suit.” Monty let out a strangled breath and Miller’s grin widened before kissing him again. “Think you can make it?” he asked.

“You bet your ass I’ll be there,” Monty breathed. “Nate, holy _crap_ —finally!”

Miller laughed. “We’ve been putting it off for too long, and I mean your name’ll be out and we’ll have photos, and… I mean, I figure you deserve a little something for me making you sit through this boring ass fashion whatever.” Monty wanted to kiss his boyfriend again, so he did. He was going to be on some sort of fancy colored carpet soon enough as it was, and kissing with dozens of people snapping photos probably was going to make Monty horribly nervous, so he might as well do it now while he could. “Still want to go through with this?” Miller asked when they pulled back.

Monty hesitated but tipped his head forward anyway. “I’m terrified,” Monty admitted through a strangled voice. “I’m not photogenic.”

Miller laughed wildly, shaking his head. “That’s so untrue, baby. Besides, it’s not about the photos, it’s about being _together_.”

“Are you scared?” Monty asked, ignoring Miller’s input.

“Before going in front of all these flashing lights?” Miller asked. “Absolutely.” Monty sighed, and Miller leaned to rest his forehead against his. “But I’ll have you by my side this time,” Miller murmured. Monty nodded, but his eyes were focused on Miller’s silk tie. He reached out to fiddle with the ends of it, needing to ground himself. Monty wasn’t _famous_. He wasn’t cutout for being in the limelight. Monty was good with computers and chemistry and behind the scenes stuff, not literally being on televisions and waving to strangers. “Want to turn back?” Miller asked carefully. “We can. You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

“Nah,” Monty forced out despite the fact that his nerves were suffocating him. A thought bubbled up in the back of his mind and almost made him laugh. “Sometimes you just have to go for it, you know?” he asked.

Miller’s responding grin was so bright that Monty knew he could do this.

* * *

“Nathan! Nathan! Over here!” Miller squeezed Monty’s hands and dragged him toward the interviewer waving in his direction, offering another famous smile at the cameras that were snapping his photos. “Nathan!” she cheered when he joined them.

“Nice to see you again, Charlotte,” Miller said as he greeted the girl with the microphone. She looked elated that he remembered her name, and smiled even brighter at the camera than before. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been fine,” Charlotte said with a little laugh. She looked toward Monty. “The elusive boyfriend finally makes an appearance,” she said, directing her attention to the boy holding Miller’s hand. “Nice to meet you. Monty, is it?”

“Monty Green,” Monty confirmed, extending his hand in Charlotte’s direction. “Nice to meet you too.” Miller was holding his hand tightly as if to remind him he didn’t have to say anything, didn’t have to do anything, but Monty was feeling okay. They’d survived the rush swarm of cameras at the beginning of the walk and Monty was sure he could survive the random interviews too.

“People are so thrilled that your face is finally out there!” Charlotte cheered. “How do you feel being in the spotlight?”

“To be honest,” Monty said, “I’m not really in the spotlight. Nate’s still in the spotlight. I just kind of, stand beside him.”

“It’s the best kind of standing,” Miller said with a grin.

“I’m just trying to graduate college,” Monty admitted. “Falling in love with Nate wasn’t exactly on my to-do list.”

“There’s a lot of talk about trying to hog Nathan’s fame, or claim it for your own,” Charlotte said. “Do you two want to comment at all about how this all started?”

“I gave a speech on Monty’s campus,” Miller said, stepping in when Monty faltered. “I ordered a coffee at some place and saw him standing there. He was on his phone, rooted to his spot, texting like it was the only thing he knew how to do. Immediately, I was like… _fuck_. This guy’s cute. And I was lost. So I asked him if he could show me around campus.” Monty felt warm, listening to Miller talk about him like this. “And I totally knew, the second I approached him, that he knew who I was. But he didn’t freak out or anything and that made me… I don’t know, it made me feel good, I guess.”

“You knew who he was?” Charlotte asked.

“Definitely,” Monty said. “I was texting my friends when he approached me, actually,” he said. “Asking them if I should go up to him.”

“You were?” Miller asked with a grin.

“Miles Morales is my favorite comic book character,” Monty told him, momentarily forgetting that Charlotte was there. “When you were cast I nearly died.”

Miller laughed, shaking his head. “You never told me.”

“I was a _big fan_ before any of this,” Monty said. “Still a big fan. But there’s more to it, now.”

“Yeah,” Miller said softly, tugging Monty’s tie toward him so he could kiss Monty quickly, gently. “Definitely more to it now.” Charlotte squeaked as they kissed and Monty remembered suddenly where they were. His face felt hot as he pulled back, and Miller squeezed his hand another time. “Well it was nice to see you again Charlotte,” Miller said to the girl, smiling so brightly that it made the flashing lights feel pale in comparison. “I’ll put in a good word for you with Bellamy,” he said with a wink.

She blushed at Bellamy’s name and nodded, allowing them to go on their way. Monty moved through the motions like he was dreaming. It was insane, standing next to Miller as people screamed his name and tried to get their attention. Miller held his hand the whole time and Monty smiled for the cameras the best he could. Thankfully no one ever got Monty alone, which was a relief even though they’d prepared for it just in case. And finally, finally, finally it was all over. They lowered themselves into front row seats by the stage and Miller squeezed his hand before lifting it and kissing his knuckles.

“Sorry,” he murmured, and Monty frowned in confusion. “For kissing you out there,” Miller said. “I kind of forgot where we were.”

Monty grinned and shrugged. “Me too,” he admitted. At that Miller smiled, and Monty felt at ease. “We made it,” Monty said.

“Mmm,” his boyfriend licked his lips, “I knew we would.”


	4. Chapter 4

Monty kicked off his shoes by the door and slunk across the room without a word, starting for the couch without even a word to his boyfriend in the kitchen. Monty was tired. He’s happy that Miller’s new apartment is closer to him than the hotel he was staying in when they first started seeing each other over a year ago at this point, but it’s still a hike. On top of that he had a long day between his morning classes and his evening internship and the Tweet he just saw on the elevator up to the apartment.

“Babe?” Miller called. “That you?” Monty groaned in response.

Monty swore to himself _months ago_ that he’d stay off of Twitter after a pretty nasty Twitter war between people who thought Bryan Wellbelove would be a better boyfriend for Miller compared to Monty, and since then Monty avoided it altogether. He had no idea what compelled him to pull up the stupid app on his phone tonight but he _did_ , and that was just the final blow on a shitty day.

He heard Miller’s footsteps but curled further into the couch and away from his boyfriend. Even when the couch dipped and he felt Miller’s hand on his back Monty couldn’t look up.

**_@BryanIsBest100  
@xmasgreenings Kill yourself._ **

“Long day?” Miller asked, rubbing Monty’s back gently, and Monty groaned in response another time. “Dinner’s almost ready,” Miller told him. “Want me to get you when it’s done?” Monty made a sound that probably resembled confirmation and Miller exhaled a soft laugh before bending down to kiss the back of Monty’s head. “Get some rest,” Miller said softly.

* * *

They’d been dating for over a year now.

Monty was used to Miller’s hectic spotlight life, was used to being the doting boyfriend, he was used to the movie premiers and red carpets. He couldn’t really get used to the death threats, though. Miller had given him a million tips on how to ignore the hate, how to focus on the positives, but none of it ever really stuck. Monty wasn’t even _famous_ , so the hate that was slung in his direction wasn’t as bad as the stuff that Miller had to endure, but that didn’t make it any less vicious. And while working on getting his degree Monty had classmates that were just as bad.

Nate was worth it. God, Monty would do it all again just to end up where he was now, curled up with his boyfriend in their king bed in an apartment in the city. But that didn’t make it suck any less.

“I saw your phone,” Miller murmured into Monty’s hair. Monty stiffened, and Miller tugged him closer. “When Clarke called to see if you’d made it here safe,” Miller elaborated, “Twitter was the last thing that was open.” Monty exhaled deeply and peeled back so he could look at his boyfriend. “Want to talk about it?”

“Just another asshole,” Monty said with a soft shrug. Monty knew there was nothing going on between Miller and Bryan (they'd had a fling a while back, but not while Miller was out) and Bryan had even made statements that he'd moved on and was happy for Miller and Monty, but his fans were vicious. “No big deal.”

“Monty,” Miller sighed, reaching out to cup his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Really.” Miller had apologized _so many times_ for all the things that he’d put Monty through. It wasn’t fair. Because it wasn’t Miller’s fault. “It was just a long day, okay? That didn’t help. And I shouldn’t have gone looking.” Monty buried himself back into his boyfriend, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Sometimes I just want to get out of here,” he murmured into Miller’s shirt.

“Okay,” Miller hummed in response. “Let’s get out of here.” Monty huffed, propping himself up on his elbow to look at his boyfriend, and found him smiling cheekily. Miller tangled his hand into Monty’s hair and Monty leaned into the touch. “I’ve got a beach house in Miami,” Miller told him. “And you don’t start your job at the NSA until like, a month and a half after you graduate. We could take our friends if you wanted, or it could just be us. A week or two.”

Monty opened and closed his mouth, trying to fight off his smile. It amazed him that after all this time his boyfriend could still surprise him. “You have a house in Miami?”

“Oh, hush,” Miller laughed. “You knew that.” They’d been out once on a weekend trip, but never for a full week or two. Monty had never asked to go, Miller had never offered to take him. They were both pretty busy anyway. “What do you say? After you graduate, of course.”

“ _Nate_ ,” Monty exhaled, allowing his smile to blossom. “You don’t—” Miller cut him off, arching forward and capturing his mouth with a kiss. “Love you,” Monty breathed when they parted, chasing Miller’s lips to kiss him again. Miller grinned into the kiss and rolled, pinning Monty to the bed and rocking his hips forward. “Yeah, yes,” Monty rasped as Miller pulled his shirt up and over his head. “Take me to Miami.”

Miller laughed, kissing down Monty’s chest. “It’ll be a grad present to you,” Miller told him. “I’m pulling all the stops.”

* * *

Graduation came swiftly but it didn’t feel like any big life step to Monty. It was just another thing that happened, another thing that had to be done. He walked the stage and got his degree and then it was over. Onto the next thing.

He’d been offered a job at the NSA and that was his future, the National Security Agency, working with hackers and other intelligence groups. It was something he was good at and something he enjoyed, but again, just the next step. That was going to be his life and he was okay with it. It would be a good one.

Monty and all of his friends held a joint graduation party at the Griffin house. It was the biggest of all of their friends (thanks, Doctor Abby Griffin) so it could easily be converted into a party central. Monty was relieved when Miller shifted some of his work events around so he could go, but Miller still seemed hesitant.

“It’s a party for you,” Miller murmured one night before the party was coming up. “Sometimes I feel like if I’m there…” he trailed off.

He didn’t want the spotlight. He didn’t want to draw the attention away from Monty. That alone made Monty’s heart feel full, that he was thinking of things like this, things that Monty wouldn’t even consider.

“I want you there,” Monty had insisted, again and again, until Miller finally agreed.

“Anything for you.”

* * *

Just as Miller predicted, there was a bit of a excitement that Nathan Miller was at the graduation party. Distant cousins and relatives lined up to get their picture with him, to get his autograph, but everyone had agreed that only the first half hour or so would that be allowed. Miller wanted a break and he again stressed that this wasn’t an event for him, but for Monty and his friends.

By the time he finally got settled with a glass of champagne next to Monty, he looked exhausted.

“It’s just not why I’m here,” Miller told him, draping his arm over Monty’s shoulder. He pressed a kiss to Monty’s cheek and pulled back with a soft smile.

The evening bled into the night, the sky above shifting into a beautiful sunset as everyone celebrated together. Harper brought her new girlfriend, Jasper and Maya slow danced by the fire, and Bellamy FaceTimed Clarke from where he was in Australia. It was a simple celebration but one that made Monty feel so loved. Everyone drank champagne and made s’mores and laughed and laughed and laughed.

More than once he caught his boyfriend looking at him.

“If I have marshmallow on my face and you’re not telling me,” Monty started, but Miller laughed.

“That’s not it.” Miller reached up, brushing Monty’s mouth where marshmallow would gather if there was any. “It’s chocolate.”

“Shut up.”

Miller laughed again and Monty felt warm, inside and out. It was probably partly from the champagne but just having so many people he cared about nearby in such good spirits made him so happy. He kissed Miller’s knuckles before standing, off to get another glass of champagne, humming to himself.

He probably should’ve expected Miller to follow him, but when he felt arms wrap around his waist Monty was startled nonetheless. “Having fun?” Miller asked before pressing a warm kiss to Monty’s throat. Monty nodded. “Mm, good.”

“I’m glad you came,” Monty responded. He felt Miller smile against his neck. Monty set down his glass, turning in Miller’s arms to face him. He rocked his hips, pinning Monty to the kitchen counter with a gentle smile that left Monty breathless. “Even more excited for when we leave,” Monty admitted as Miller pressed closer.

“That makes two of us,” Miller agreed softly.

Miller was looking at him again like he had been earlier. With warm eyes as though he was content to look at Monty forever. And it wasn’t because he had marshmallow or chocolate on his face or anything like that, he was just _looking_ at him. Miller’s gaze traveled from Monty’s eyes to Monty’s lips, across his cheekbones, over his nose. Like Monty was some sort of phenomenal sight Miller had never seen before.

“What is it?” Monty finally asked.

Miller reached up and brushed Monty’s bangs from his forehead, shrugging slightly.

“I love you,” Miller murmured. But there was something in his voice. Something different. Monty noticed it right away. Not the concerning sort of different, the kind that made him worry, but instead the kind of different that made Monty’s throat feel tight and warm, his chest feel full of love. _I love you_ , Miller had said. And he had meant it more than he ever had before.

Monty clutched at Miller’s shirt. They weren’t far apart, just enough that Monty could feel his boyfriend’s mouth curving into a smile against Monty’s own lips. “I love you,” Monty echoed gently, hoping it conveyed that same feeling Miller had just given him.

_I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I love you so much that it feels physically impossible, like I’m going to burst with the weight of it. I love you with every piece of myself. I love even the parts of you I don’t like. I love you, I love you, I love you._

“Let’s get you back to your party,” Miller said after another kiss, sweet and soft. He laced their fingers together and tugged, pulling Monty from the hallway they’d moved to and back out to the room with all of their friends.

* * *

“I’ve already worked it out with Roma,” Miller said as they settled into their seats at the airport. “No phone calls unless  _absolutely necessary_ .” It was finally time for their trip to Miami and Monty insisted they fly just like every other normal individual, despite the fact that Miller wanted to drive so the paparazzi wouldn’t find them. They were decked out in all gray, hoping to hide amongst everyone else. “And I mean  _absolutely_ necessary.”

“It’s not the end of the world if your phone rings, Nate.”

Miller laced his fingers with Monty’s and squeezed. “I don’t want to do work stuff. Especially not when it’s just us.”

They were set to be there for a week before their friends started joining them. Octavia and Bellamy would be flying in from Australia, Raven was taking a week off to join them, and Jasper and Maya would be there too. Harper and her girlfriend were taking a trip out to California and couldn’t make it, but they sent their love.

Monty stretched up and pressed a kiss to Miller’s chin. “Okay. No work stuff,” he said.

Miller smiled, reaching up with his freehand to tip down his sunglasses so he could look at Monty. “You’re going to be trouble this week, aren’t you?”

“When am I not trouble?”

Miller laughed, fixing his sunglasses and kissing Monty’s knuckles another time.

* * *

Miller’s beach house was just as giant and magnificent as Monty remembered it to be. They had so much space for just the two of them which led to  _a lot_ of making out. Against the counters in the kitchen, in the walk-in closet, on the deck overlooking the pool, in the pool, in the shower. If there was a place they could make out, they were taking advantage of it.

Their mornings they’d spend by the beach or at the pool in the backyard, the evenings they’d head into town. When Miller said he was pulling all of the stops he meant it. He took Monty to the nicest restaurants, the most amazing views. They were waiting to do boating activities until their friends got there but just being together was so, _so nice_.

And then at night they’d sit out on the back porch and watch the sunset, drink some wine, and collapse into bed exhausted.

Tonight was no different, settled together in the same chair staring out across the beach.

Miller nuzzled into Monty’s neck, his scruff brushing across his skin, and Monty sighed. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this content. He could truly spend the rest of his life like this, with Miller’s arms around his waist as he held him tightly, nipping at him with teasing but lovely kisses.

“You’re amazing,” Miller whispered, and he sounded awed. Breath hitching and everything. Monty smiled as his boyfriend moved a little closer. They hadn’t done much today but Monty tended to think that sunsets and wine brought out the best in people. “Monty,” Miller said. “Every day that I’m with you I feel more like the man I want to be.” Monty tipped his head to look at Miller but the way he was holding him didn’t allow for it. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

Monty exhaled a laugh. “Nate.”

“God, I mean it, Monty.”

“I know.”

“No, you just…” he trailed off, sounding frustrated and desperate. Like there was something he couldn’t figure out how to say. “It’s such a fucking cliché, saying I had no idea what you’d mean to me when we met. Jesus, I just saw this hot guy on his phone and I…” Miller trailed off again, this time with a choked laugh, “I looked for a pride pin, or something. You had your phone in your hands and on the back was the sticker, and I felt—God, I don’t know. So relieved. Excited. I don’t know. I didn’t even know who you were and I just thought _maybe_ …”

“And now we’re here,” Monty responded softly. He was infinitely grateful for how things had turned out. The risk that Miller had taken by approaching Monty. “Sometimes you just have to go for it,” Monty said. “Remember?”

Miller laughed into Monty’s neck. “Every day,” he whispered back. They were quiet for a moment, Miller just holding him close and Monty tracing patterns on his boyfriend’s knees. When Miller spoke again, his words were even softer. “If I asked you to marry me, what would you say?” The question was breathy against Monty’s ear and his words were shaking slightly. Monty was frozen. Miller’s warm breath fanned out against him, spreading through Monty’s body with every passing second.

Even though he was holding Monty tightly, Monty found enough leverage to turn and look at his boyfriend. Miller’s eyebrows were drawn together, nervous, and Monty struggled to find the words he wanted to say. Eventually they surfaced. “I guess you’ll have to ask me to find out,” he whispered back, lifting his hand to cup Miller’s cheek.

Miller swallowed hard and then pulled back, enough that Monty’s hand could fall. And then he was on his feet, striding off the porch and back into the house. Monty was confused. His throat felt tight. He swung his legs over the side of the lawn chair and went to stand, preparing to call his boyfriend back to him, when Miller returned with purpose in his shoulders.

When Miller stopped in front of Monty with a ring, lowering himself to one knee, a bubble of happiness so bright that Monty didn’t even know was possible to exist exploded inside of him. “Monty,” Miller began. And Monty was already nodding. “I haven’t even said anything,” Miller said, trying to fight off his smile. But Monty still nodded emphatically. Miller grabbed Monty’s hand and squeezed. “Marry me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Monty nearly gasped.

Monty was barely aware of the ring that Miller was sliding onto his finger, too eager to kiss the boy who was leaning in and kiss him again and kiss him some more. It was all Monty wanted to do, it was all he could even _think_ to do, but soon Miller’s lips were out of reach and his forehead was pinned to Monty’s.

And there was something there, in Miller’s eyes. So many words that Monty knew he couldn’t say. Not because Miller didn’t want to, but because he didn’t know how. Words of love and adoration, of hope, of _joy_.

Instead he said, “I love you.”

Monty felt it in his bones.

* * *

Monty sighed, slinking down into the sheets as Miller crawled his way up Monty’s body. He kissed Monty’s hips, his chest. “I’m gonna be so sore tomorrow,” Monty exhaled, nearly whining when Miller lifted his head up.

“Good kind of sore?” he asked.

“Great kind,” Monty corrected, fighting off his smile. Miller grinned and dipped, kissing Monty’s chest another time. “Good thing we’re not doing anything.” He was content to stay in bed for the rest of his life, and thanks to a summer storm they didn’t feel any need to wander around. Monty’s heart was just so full and so warm it made him feel perpetually sleepy, or like he was dreaming. Like all of this was one magnificent dream and he was on the verge of waking up.

“Everyone comes in a couple of days,” Miller told him between more kisses, and more kisses. There’d been so much kissing that Monty’s mouth was numb from it. “Do you want to tell them before they get here?”

And smiling. There’d been so much smiling, Monty was sure his face was going to split in half. “Let’s wait,” Monty responded, lifting his hand to look at the ring. “Let’s just keep these days in between for us, okay?”

Miller looked up from where he was on Monty’s stomach, grinning cheekily. “Absolutely.”

Monty wanted this moment to exist forever. “Did you plan this?” he asked, ignoring the way Miller went back to kissing across his skin. “Have you been planning this?”

Finally Miller sat up, shaking his head. “Not really.” He wiggled across the bed, closer to Monty, before collapsing into the pillows next to him. “I realized at your grad party that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Went from there.”

Monty’s chest bloomed with warmth. He remembered Miller looking at him as though he was the sun, bright and endless, but with this context it felt like more. He remembered how Miller said _I love you_ , like it was the only truth he’d ever spoken in his life and it was freeing.

“Why?” Monty managed. “Did you realize it? What happened?”

Miller’s grin had shifted from teasing and wonderful to a softer, gentle smile. “I don’t know,” he said.

“ _Nate_.”

“ _Monty_ ,” he echoed in the same tone, so full of affection. “There’re just moments you share with people and there aren’t words to them, or reasons why, but you just…” he trailed off, shrugging, and Monty realized he was never going to stop feeling this warm. “I looked at you,” Miller said, “so content, and I just knew.”

Monty caught his cheek and tugged Miller closer, pressing his lips to his.

When they pulled apart, they were both still smiling. Monty was thinking about the impossibility of all of this, the way things sort of just felt like magic was humming in the air between the two of them. He opened his mouth to say all of this when Miller’s phone across the room started ringing. Both of their smiles were gone in an instant at the siren sound, a ringtone that was saved for Miller’s assistant, and quickly Miller was climbing out of bed.

“She knows not to call…” Miller trailed off. The bed was cold without Miller in it and Monty sighed, sinking into the sheets as he hurried to answer it. Miller offered Monty an apologetic smile as he stepped out of the room but Monty waved him off.

Miller was on the phone with Roma for so long that Monty nearly dozed off, but eventually Miller was climbing back into bed with his fiancé and snuggling close.

“Don’t even say you’re sorry,” Monty murmured before Miller could even get in a word. “I know. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Miller muttered. “We’re on vacation. We’re supposed to be together.”

“We are together,” Monty responded. Miller huffed in frustration and Monty tugged him closer, close enough he could press a warm kiss to Miller’s forehead. “What’d she want?” he asked, and Miller huffed again, shaking his head. “Nate.”

But Miller continued to shake his head, his eyebrows furrowed. Monty didn’t push him. He just waited in the silence for Miller to speak. “If you want me to give up this life,” Miller finally said, “then I will.”

Monty sat up in an instant. “What?”

“Acting,” Miller carried on. “This celebrity bullshit.” Monty opened and closed his mouth, confused as to where this was coming from. “If you want a life without the paparazzi and without fucking work calls interrupting every day of my life, then Jesus, Monty, I’ll give it up.”

“Nate.” Monty wasn’t even sure what to say. “You—what?”

Miller scrubbed his hand over his head. “Someone got pictures,” he forced out through a strangled voice. “Of us on the porch. Of me proposing. It’s in a fucking—tabloids have already picked it up. And there’re photos of us from the beach, and the airport, and— _Christ_ I know you just—”

“Stop,” Monty placed his hands on Miller’s shoulders. “Just, stop for a second.”  Miller closed his eyes as though he was in pain. “That’s why Roma called?”

There was a heavy beat of silence. “We’re a trending topic on Twitter,” Miller muttered. He shook his head and looked up around the room, a habit he had when he couldn’t hold Monty’s gaze. “And I know some fans are just going to go ballistic when we confirm it, and this—Monty, you didn’t ask for this life.”

It was the whole reason they were here in the first place. To get away from it, to take a break. No social media, no internet drama, no death threats from psycho fans. No wonder Miller was so upset.

“Of course I didn’t,” Monty agreed, “but it’s what you love.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Miller almost snapped.

“You even offering to give up a piece of you like that, something so _defining_ of who you are, Jesus, Nate, that’s more than enough.” But still Miller shook his head. “You know I don’t like the paps. And I think your fans are ridiculous. And it can be exhausting. But _I love you_.” He tried to say it the way that Miller always did, so overflowing with love that it couldn’t even be doubted, not even for a second. And by the way Miller softened, Monty hoped that he succeeded. “All of you, every part of you, every second I get with you. I’d never ask you to give up who you are for me.”

Miller licked his lips. “It’s too much sometimes,” he forced out. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Monty shot him down. Miller always acted so frustrated with the industry but Monty _knew_ that Miller loved what he did. He loved bringing light to characters, giving depth to them, creating and growing and acting. “Don’t you dare.”

And then they were kissing again, desperate lips searching out desperate lips, clutching one another as though they were the most important thing in the world.

Miller only pulled away when Monty started laughing into his mouth. At Miller’s questioning gaze Monty said, “It’s just, I should probably call my parents before someone else does.”

* * *

Raven tossed the tabloid down on the table between all of them with a frown. The headline read:  _MINTY IS ENGAGED!_ and underneath was a photo of Monty and Miller embracing, a ring shining on Monty’s finger.

“Assholes,” Raven said.

Monty picked up the paper and grinned, flipping over to the spread that was all about the two of them. “We were going to tell you,” he said as he paged through. Miller was right, there were photos of them at the airport, on the beach, generally just from their trip. “Just when you got here.”

“Bellamy’s pissed,” Clarke said from her seat beside Raven. Clarke and Bellamy have still been spending a lot of time talking. Monty overheard Miller on the phone with Bellamy the other night saying _if you don't make a move on Griffin one of these days I swear to God..._ “He got a tweet about it.”

“Oh, whatever,” Miller waved at her. “He knew _the day I decided_.”

Monty exhaled a laugh. “The grad party?” he asked.

“Called him that night after you fell asleep,” Miller confirmed.

“I mean we’re _happy_ for you,” Raven said. Monty was still paging through the article, reading snippets here and there and trying not to laugh again. One of them was a quote from over a year ago when Monty said Miles Morales was his favorite, followed up by a pondering of how Monty felt now that he was getting to marry Spider-Man. “I just wish we’d known before Miller’s fanbase.”

“My fanbase knows more about me than I do,” Miller muttered, “but good luck on being a step ahead of them ever.”

Clarke squeezed Monty’s shoulder and offered him a smile as well. They shared a look, Monty having been struck by the idea the night before everyone arrived, and Clarke seemed to understand there was something there. Now that his friends were there, there was one last thing he wanted to do. He was going to need their help.

* * *

Jasper was overly excited, and once Bellamy and Octavia heard about the plan they were on board as well. Harper requested photos be sent to her afterwards. They all seemed to get over the not-knowing-about-the-engagement-first thing, which was nice, and this was going to be special too.

Bellamy made all of the arrangements. Being an international supermodel had its perks, and renting out beaches and hiring security to keep the paparazzi out. Raven and Octavia orchestrated the rest of it under Monty’s (very detailed) instructions that he’d made the day before.

(“What the hell are you working on?” Miller asked with a laugh from where he was stretched out in bed. “We said no work stuff.”

“Harper wanted a postcard,” Monty lied. He didn’t want to ruin the surprise.)

And finally, finally, it was time. “Let’s go for a walk,” Monty said.

It was a rare, quiet night in Miller’s beach house considering all their friends had gone out (well, that’s what Miller thought anyway) and they were just watching some old movie on TV.

“Anywhere in particular?” Miller asked.

“Yes, actually.”

* * *

The walk was nice. Monty thought the two of them were a lot of clichés, but enjoying long walks on the beach was another thing the two enjoyed together. The sun had set a while ago and it was chilly so Monty had pulled on one of Miller’s bigger sweatshirts for their stroll. If Miller noticed the beach was mostly empty he didn’t say anything, and for that Monty was grateful.

They talked about their friends, they talked about their future. It was lovely, so lovely, and Monty was more than excited to spend the rest of his life with this man.

“My mom didn’t believe me,” Monty told him with a laugh.

“My dad wanted pictures,” Miller countered.

They went back and forth and back and forth, talking about spring weddings or summer ones, about adoption, about logistics of moving and where they’d go. And finally they reached the place that Monty had gotten all set up, and Miller froze.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

There were candles all over the place, flickering from the ocean breeze. Some were stacked on tables, others were in the sand. Monty just pulled him forward, taking careful steps around the different flames and leading Miller all the way.

Their friends were nearby, Monty knew that.

But no paparazzi, no one else. This moment was for them. Miller was still quiet.

“You asked me to marry you,” Monty said. Miller nodded, his eyebrows drawing together slightly in confusion. “But I want to ask, too.” Miller blinked a few times, his eyes studying the candles before finding Monty’s again. “You gave this speech, this—this soliloquy, whatever, about how I make you a better man.”

“Monty,” he exhaled.

“It feels like magic when I’m with you, Nate.” He pulled Miller close. “I’ve been thinking about how to say it for days. Weeks, maybe. But you said something the other day, how sometimes there are just moments there aren’t words for, or feelings, or people.” Miller’s eyes looked watery but Monty couldn’t stop smiling. “I’m in love with you,” Monty told him.

“Monty,” he said again.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“ _Monty_.”

“It’s going to be hard,” he continued. “I know it’s going to be hard at times. But it’s going to be worth it.” Monty’s heart was pounding in his chest, nervous despite it all. “Because you have always been worth it.” Miller dipped down, resting his forehead against Monty’s. “So will you marry me?”

Miller answered him with a kiss. He drew Monty close and crashed his mouth to his, Miller’s hands frantic as he kept Monty as near to him as he could. And between the kisses he said it over and over and over again, _I love you, I love you, I love you._ Monty didn’t have enough breath to say it back.

They were like that for a long time, matching the waves of the ocean in fervor of their kiss, before Monty pulled back. “I had Bellamy rent out the beach,” Monty managed. Miller laughed. “This one’s just for us.”

And Miller said it again, his eyes still shining. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Monty echoed.

No matter how often they said it, it would always make Monty feel the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then they all lived happily ever after
> 
> thanks for joining me on this journey! <3


End file.
